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Why I'm Grieving the Loss of Both Israelis and Palestinians

The past week since the horrific terrorist attacks in Israel by Hamas and the ensuing war in Gaza have been extraordinarily difficult. As distraught as I feel, I cannot begin to fathom the shock, grief, and pain of those directly affected. Yet I have been profoundly affected emotionally, both as a longtime peace activist and as an American Jew born to an Israeli parent. As a Buddhist meditation...
Beyond the Limits of Empathy

Can empathy serve as a reliable guide to action? David Brooks, in his recent article “The Limits of Empathy,” suggests that empathy is no guarantee that caring action will take place. Participants in Milgram’s famous 1950s experiments willingly inflicted what they thought were near-lethal electric shocks despite suffering tremendously. Nazi executors early in the war wept while killing Jews....
Understanding I’m Not Responsible for Another's Feelings

Ask the Trainer Dear Trainer, I understand that I'm not responsible for someone else's feelings, but my girlfriend doesn't. Do you have ideas for how I could get her to understand this concept? Trainer Answer One of the foundations in Nonviolent Communication is how we hold the issue of responsibility; that is, each of us is responsible for our own actions. Others are responsible for how they...
Key Assumptions and Intentions of NVC

I. Assumptions Underlying the Practice of Nonviolent Communication Following are key assumptions that NVC practice is based on. Many traditions share these assumptions; NVC gives us concrete, powerful tools for putting them into practice. When we live based on these assumptions, self-connection and connection with others become increasingly possible and easy. All human beings share the same...
How To Know If Someone Has Been Heard

Trainer Tip God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. —Psalms 46:1 Often people ask me how they can tell if the other person has been heard. Many times you can feel a release of tension in your own body. Other times you may notice that the other person responds in a calm tone with few words, such as “Yeah” or “Uh huh.” Two minutes before, he may have had a lot more to say...
The Price of Nice

Have you been nice? Well then you must be enjoying the reward: depression, intermittent explosiveness, job meaninglessness, ambiguous anxiety, low resentment and subtle self hate. The antidotes: honesty, passion and compassion. Have you been a naughty or a nice boy or girl? You have been Nice? Well then you must be enjoying the reward for being a good little boy or girl, i.e. depression,...
Deepen Your NVC with Ken Wilber's Integral Framework

Access this complete 6 session course This course recording gives NVC Practitioners a guided tour of Ken Wilber’s work, a meta-theory (theory of theories) that includes as much knowledge and wisdom from as many sources as possible. You will explore how NVC and Integral Framework mesh, overlap and complement each other. Wilber is known as the “Einstein of Consciousness” because his work provides...
Saying "No" in a Positive Way

Hearing "no" can bring emotional pain, but it can be delivered in a way that minimizes discomfort. We can find the gift in the request, express feelings and needs instead of saying "no," and offer an alternative solution that supports all parties. This approach fosters honesty, respect, and understanding, while setting boundaries if necessary to protect oneself. Clear communication reduces the...
Enemy Images Process and Exercise

Ask the Trainer Dear Trainer, What guidance do you have for working with enemy images? Can you say some things about processes and/or exercises that can bring relief from this trap? Namaste, —K.M., California, USA Trainer Answer and Practice Exercise The first step is to recognize when enemy images are present in our minds. Often I find that these images operate at a semi-conscious level,...
The Sweetest Game in Town

Ask the Trainer I have always tried to encourage my children in their development through praise of certain behaviors, though I don't believe in praise or criticism of the person. For instance: "I notice you are doing a great job being patient, or generous, etc." Or: "Thank you for being so cooperative and respectful during violin practice. Great work!" What's your perspective on praise?...