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Clarifying Our Needs

Trainer Tip "It all starts with self-reflection. Then you can know and empathize more profoundly with someone else." —Shirley MacLaine We often find ourselves slipping into old behaviors that we would rather change. This is because we don’t have a new plan for responding to the same old situations. Let’s say you work with someone who talks much more than you enjoy. You might try to listen to...
Prevent Misunderstanding--One Simple Strategy

Misundertstandings can be painful. We can easily avoid this by checking what the other person understood from what we said, and ask the other person to do the same. Doing this is especially important when it comes to planning, shared decision-making, and when emotions are strong. Also, the more someone knows you, the more they think they already know what you mean -- which can get in the way of...
Meeting Our Needs

Trainer Tip In blocking off what hurts us, we think we are walling ourselves off from pain. But in the long run, the wall, which prevents growth, hurts us more than the pain, which if we will only bear it, soon passes over us . . .Walls remain. —Alice Walker Discovering the unmet needs that drive our feelings is only part of the solution. The other part is to understand what it will take to...
Meeting Our Need for Support

Trainer Tip My mind is over-taxed. Brave and courageous as I am, I feel that creeping on of that inevitable thing, a breakdown, if I cannot get some immediate relief. I need somebody to come and get me. —Mary McLeod Bethune We all need to reach out for support sometimes, and we may feel embarrassed to let others know how down in the dumps we are. We may value our image or our need for...
Needs-Based Negotiation

Trainer Tip Thinking based on “who deserves what” blocks compassionate communication. —Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. When I worked in the university system, I spent a great deal of time and energy negotiating for salary increases and position upgrades. My arguments usually focused on how I compared to other people in the industry, my years of experience, and what I thought was fair. I believed...
Engage Your Curiosity

Trainer Tip It’s kind of fun to do the impossible. —Walt Disney Do the people in your life ever respond in ways that simply baffle you? In such situations, we may think: “What was he thinking? He completely reversed himself. He must have been confused, hurt, or out of his mind.” We have a tendency to tell a story about what we think was behind the other person’s reaction. We spend a tremendous...
Appreciation vs. Approval, Compliments or Praise

Trainer Tip The deepest principle of Human Nature is the craving to be appreciated. —William James When we express how someone’s actions have positively affected our lives, we express appreciation. In contrast, when we offer approval, compliments, or praise, we label the other person as good because of what they did. We can express our appreciation using the four steps of Compassionate...
Getting Started

Trainer Tip Tomorrow’s life is too late. Live today. —Martial Take the first step today. Don’t wait until tomorrow. Want to have more love in your life? Be more loving right this moment no matter who is in front of you. Want to save more money? Go to your wallet right now and take out some money to put into your savings It doesn’t matter how much or how often. The reward is in taking the first...
Faux Feelings (Judgements) Handouts and Cards

We typically think of certain words as feelings when they can be judgements (eg. “abandoned”). Hidden within evaluative/judgement words are true feelings and needs (eg. if we think we’re abandoned we may feel lonely or hurt, and want togetherness or belonging). With this handout discover more hidden feelings and needs within the judgements that sound like feelings. Then download the card deck...
You Sound Like a Therapist!

Miki Kashtan explains how using OFNR or "Classic NVC" is for practice, not real life situations. This is an excerpt from Miki Kashtan's 7 part course Naturalizing NVC Language, which is also available in the NVC Library. Access the complete 7-part course Keywords: empathy expression honesty requests strategies connection OFNR naturalizing NVC authenticity Miki Kashtan