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NVC Resources on Feelings

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The Three Stages of Emotional Liberation

Trainer Tip True freedom is to share All the chains our brothers wear, And, with heart and hand, to be Earnest to make others free! —James Russell Lowell We all go through stages of emotional maturity. In Nonviolent Communication, we identify three primary stages of emotional maturity, the last of which is emotional liberation. Many of us start at Stage 1, which is thinking that we are...
Faux Feelings

Yvette Erasmus shares her interpretation of the difference between "faux" feelings and feelings. "Faux" feelings imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. Keywords: OFNR feelings faux feelings Yvette Erasmus
Stages of Emotional Maturity

Trainer Tip As long as one keeps searching, the answers come. —Joan Baez Many of us begin our personal journey thinking that we are responsible for everyone’s feelings, and strive to keep everyone happy. At this stage, we are afraid of losing ourselves in relationships, and may think we are abused. In the next stage of development, we come to understand that we are not responsible for other...
Faux Feelings (Judgements) Handouts and Cards

We typically think of certain words as feelings when they can be judgements (eg. “abandoned”). Hidden within evaluative/judgement words are true feelings and needs (eg. if we think we’re abandoned we may feel lonely or hurt, and want togetherness or belonging). With this handout discover more hidden feelings and needs within the judgements that sound like feelings. Then download the card deck...
Emotional Regulation Strategies

Emotional regulation is the consistent capacity to fully experience one’s feelings, particularly when they are intense and/or painful. Here are 36 practices that help with emotional regulation that can be done alone or with others. Read on for more. See this learning tool Keywords: emotional regulation self care triggered LaShelle Lowe-Chardé Elia Lowe Charde
Understanding I’m Not Responsible for Another's Feelings

Ask the Trainer Dear Trainer, I understand that I'm not responsible for someone else's feelings, but my girlfriend doesn't. Do you have ideas for how I could get her to understand this concept? Trainer Answer One of the foundations in Nonviolent Communication is how we hold the issue of responsibility; that is, each of us is responsible for our own actions. Others are responsible for how they...
Emotionally Exhausted? Try Empathy

Living in this ceaselessly demanding world, how do we recover from emotional exhaustion? The hopelessness of not being met in the world can leave us wrung out like an old mop. It takes us into the unmyelinated slow lane of experience, and our heart rate plummets, our blood pressure and respiration drop, and energy and information processing start slogging along. Instead, we can build the bridge...
Feelings vs Interpretations

Here's a list of words that pose as feelings, but are actually interpretations of what you think someone is doing to you. They trigger defensiveness in another thereby preventing a connected dialogue. Behind each of these words are precious feelings and needs. This sheet includes ways to distinguish feelings from interpretations. See this learning tool Keywords: feelings faux feelings...
Being Open to Feeling

Trainer Tip True feeling justifies whatever it may cost. —May Sarton If someone accidentally stepped on your finger, it would hurt, right? You would feel and probably express pain. Few of us would endure the pain without asking the person to step off our finger simply because we thought we shouldn’t complain. Pain is pain. It’s not good or bad; it is simply how we feel. Maybe the person didn’t...
Feelings Are a Response to Our Met or Unmet Needs

Trainer Tip Our feelings result from how we choose to receive what others say and do, as well as our particular needs and expectations in that moment. —Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. When I worked at a university, I had four to five appointments per day. Often, when someone was late for their appointment, I felt frustrated because I wanted my schedule to be predictable. Then I noticed that...