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NVC Resources on Feelings

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Appreciation vs. Approval, Compliments or Praise

Trainer Tip The deepest principle of Human Nature is the craving to be appreciated. —William James When we express how someone’s actions have positively affected our lives, we express appreciation. In contrast, when we offer approval, compliments, or praise, we label the other person as good because of what they did. We can express our appreciation using the four steps of Compassionate...
Defining Enough

Trainer Tip "You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough." —William Blake Do you ever find yourself working and working, but not really knowing what success would look like? Several years ago, I realized that I spent a lot of my energy striving to be the best, but because I didn’t know what the best was, I never achieved my goal. There was always someone better,...
Creating Productive Group Gatherings

Trainer Tip I think the one lesson I have learned is that there is no substitute for paying attention. —Diane Sawyer How many times have we attended meetings at work or in our personal lives that left us feeling overwhelmed, hopeless and annoyed? When we learn to clarify our needs, we create efficient and successful meetings. Several years ago, I attended a training of 60 people. One morning in...
The Gift of You

Trainer Tip I hope I shall possess firmness and virtue enough to maintain what I consider the most enviable of all titles, the character of an honest man. —George Washington Every one of us is a gift to the people in our lives. But how often, when someone asks us how we are doing, do we respond with a flat “Fine”? Is this an honest statement? Sometimes it is. But often, we are so used to...
How to Ask for Space

Do you ever wish you could get a little more breathing room in an intimate relationship? From your perspective, they move in so close that you wish you had a snorkel so you could get a little air. The other person, on the other hand, is feeling hurt wanting more intimacy and is receiving your request for space as a form of rejection or lack of caring. You notice this conflict repeating itself...
Transforming Needs Into Compassionate Connection

Iris Bawidamann explains how needs, like appreciation, can easily turn into demands or self-blame when approached from a place of lack or expectation. Instead of blaming others for not meeting our needs or harshly demanding fulfillment from ourselves, living compassion invites us to gently embrace and connect with the essence of our needs. By tuning into the feeling and meaning of appreciation...
Mourning Unmet Needs (The Art of Letting Go)

"Hold on to your anger and use it as compost for your garden." - Thich Nhat Hanh Recently I was feeling very angry and resentful. I felt this way for a couple days. I have learned that when I judge others it only contributes to anger and resentment. Despite knowing this, I kept judging this particular person. By doing this I only added more drama to the story I was creating in my mind. I...
Climate Anxiety Is Not a Disease. It is a Normal Response to a World on Fire.

There are healers and therapists who see climate anxiety as a pathology. Instead, we can see it as an understandable reaction to the magnitude of the environmental problems that surround us. And we can see it as a subset of eco-anxiety: a feeling of worry, nervousness or unease triggered by an awareness of the ecological threats facing the earth due to climate catastrophe. Read on for tips on...
Developing Patience

Jim and Jori offer practical tools to help us develop patience through a process they call WAIT: Wake up, Accept, Insight, Take a step. Practice Opportunities for Patience A. Practicing W.A.I.T.: Choose a time at the end of each day to review your day or in the mornings to review your previous day, and consider: Are there times you remember that you were feeling impatience or a sense of urgency...
Ego, Mind, and Culture

The “mind” or our “ego” are often depicted as a static entity, an unchangable part of human nature, and as obstacles or negative parts of ourselves to overcome. This view creates maligning, a split within us, while remaining invisibly part and parcel of authority-based societies --the dominant culture and institutions into which we are born. Instead, I want to advocate an integration of reason...