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NVC Resources on Feelings

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The Unconscious Mind Compared to the Conscious Mind

Ask the Trainer Dear Trainer, I have the understanding that the unconscious is vast compared to the conscious mind. When I state "needs," how well can I depend on there being something beneath my awareness that is actually the motivation? Can I trust that when I or others I'm empathizing with state our "needs" there is not some unknown unconscious need operating? —D.N., Indiana, USA Trainer...
Taking a Leap

Trainer Tip The journey, not the arrival, matters; the voyage, not the landing. —Paul Theroux Sometimes we are dissatisfied in our primary relationship, yet the thought of making a change is scary, so we stay in it. Sometimes we think we're afraid to learn the truth, so we don't ask direct questions. Several years ago, I was in a relationship that lasted a year. My gut told me that my partner...
Every Angry Message is a "Please"

Trainer Tip The only way to master love, is to practice love. —Don Miguel Ruiz Sometimes it is hard to remember, but every time someone speaks or acts in anger or frustration, he is saying "Please!" Consider the please when your child says, "We NEVER get to do what I want to do!" The child is saying, "Please, I want fairness and fun. I want to know that you care about my needs, too." How about...
Tips on Making a Request

Trainer Tip Minor things can become moments of great revelation when encountered for the first time. —Margot Fonteyn Many of us have rarely asked for what we want, so a few tips on how to do this are in order. Tip number one: Ask for what you want, not what you don’t want. One time I was in a car with two young boys. One of them kicked his brother, so I said: “Jake, when you kick your brother I...
Persisting vs. Demanding

Trainer Tip The art of love . . . is largely the art of persistence. —Albert Ellis Persisting is the active attempt to meet our needs by continuing to connect with another. Demanding is the insistence that someone do something to avoid negative repercussions. Let’s imagine that you want to go on vacation with a friend. She says she doesn’t have enough money. A demand would sound something like...
Improving Relationships as a Primary Goal

Trainer Tip I am not easily frightened. Not because I am brave but because I know that I am dealing with human beings, and that I must try as hard as I can to understand everything that anyone ever does. —Etty Hillesum, Holocaust victim Compassionate Communication suggests that improving the quality of our relationships is a primary goal. Indeed, that connection with ourselves and other people...
What is the Shadow?

What parts of yourself or others are hard to embrace, acknowledge or even notice? What parts do others have difficulty embracing, acknowledging or noticing? Why do we sometimes misunderstand our own and others' motives? Why do we condemn, loathe, hate, deny, judge or feel shame around parts of self and other? This article talks about the hidden parts of ourselves that shapes our views and...
Mourning Our Way to Acceptance

When something happens that we don't like no amount of resentment nor magical thinking will make it disappear. Instead, we can mourn to dissolve our own resistance, resentment, and numbness of resignation. Mourning can allow us to feel pain with acceptance, and without needing to be okay with what happened. Acceptance can bring us to a place where even all the anguish in the world is fully,...
Navigating Tense Conversations

Here are some options for tense moments in conversations: try a "redo", understand and recognize your habits, pause to regroup, empathize with the person so they feel heard, check your mind frame before speaking, and name some appreciations about one another. Read this article This article was originally published on Oren's Website: https://www.orenjaysofer.com Keywords: Conversation Conflict...
The Facilitator's Role

Listen in as Mary deftly blows the role of facilitator wide open in this excerpt from her very popular 2021 course, Facilitate NVC Groups with Joy and Confidence. She also covers a variety of useful tips such as what to do if you feel lost or confused, how to trust your gut, and ideas around utilizing empathy for yourself! Keywords: Mary Mackenzie Facilitating NVC Groups with Joy and Confidence...