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The Needs Underneath a Need for Fairness

Ask the Trainer Dear Trainer, I'm practicing with "transforming the pain of unmet needs into the beauty of the need." In identifying my unmet needs, I come up with "fairness." However, fairness isn't on the needs list! I'm wondering what needs might be underneath "fairness." Here is my process so far: Observation: I asked Jesse to help enter data sheets, and he spent the last twenty minutes...
Choice in Every Moment

This 31-minute audio with Miki Kashtan is packed full of power as she uncovers the dynamics of choice that are present 100% of the time, in every situation, regardless of the circumstances. She encourages us to reach for a consciousness that acknowledges our ability to choose how we respond even in the face of another’s demands. She carefully looks at both sides of demands, our demands of...
Enemy Images Process and Exercise

Ask the Trainer Dear Trainer, What guidance do you have for working with enemy images? Can you say some things about processes and/or exercises that can bring relief from this trap? Namaste, —K.M., California, USA Trainer Answer and Practice Exercise The first step is to recognize when enemy images are present in our minds. Often I find that these images operate at a semi-conscious level,...
Core Beliefs and Gratitude Exercise

How core beliefs may keep us from fully experiencing gratitude: Some of my core beliefs make experiencing gratitude difficult. For example, it’s difficult to celebrate others or myself when I think I have to prove my worth in order to be accepted. So much energy goes into proving myself, there’s little left for celebration. I find that when I clarify my core beliefs and the underlying needs...
Self-Empathy

Trainer Tip When you really listen to yourself, you can heal yourself. —Ceanna DeRohan It is true that we cannot fully understand other people until we understand ourselves. I tried to escape this for years. I told people that I was a caring and loving person. But deep down, I struggled to feel compassion. I was consumed with anger, resentment, and an overriding belief that I was never going to...
Meeting Our Need for Sexual Expression

Trainer Tip "The difference between a dream and a goal is a timeline." —Dr. Phil McGraw Have you ever tried to tell your partner that your sexual needs were not met? Such a conversation is bound to promote defensiveness and hurt feelings, unless you keep the conversation focused on your needs, not her lack of skill, and you make a very specific request. Telling someone that you do not enjoy...
Honesty Is the Key

Trainer Tip "It is tempting to sleepwalk through life. To tell half-truths, listen halfway, be half-asleep, drive with half attention . . . Wake Up!" —Sark Do you sometimes struggle with honesty? Do you ever have something you’d like to say to someone, but worry about how she will receive it? In Nonviolent Communication, we see expressing honesty as a gift of our authenticity, and an...
Self Empathy

Trainer Tip Humility is to make a right estimate of one’s self. —Charles Haddon Spurgeon Sometimes our behaviors keep us from meeting our greatest needs. Let’s say you long for deep connection with others, but you are also afraid of it, so you push people away. Then you tell yourself that no one likes you. Often the result is depression, loneliness, and self-criticism. The process of...
Exercise For Saying "No" And Staying Connected

Ever have a hard time saying "no" to someone, or feel obligated to say yes? Here's an exercise that can help you notice where you are placing yourself as someone who "has to" say yes; the needs in the other person making the request; what you want to say "yes" to (regarding your needs and theirs) by saying "no"; what prevents you from saying "yes"; plus your request and how you might express...
Is NVC Always One-on-One?

appears to enhance connection for most people. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, even though only individuals spoke, many of their expressions addressed the entire group, and included requests of everyone in the group, such as: “Please raise your hand if you are open to continuing this dialogue with Rob.” In conclusion, the conflict which arose in the group at that time was not between Rob...