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NVC Resources on Attention

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Longing For The Company Of Not-Knowers

The last two days I spent on airports, planes and in similar social settings, on my way to co-facilitating a retreat in Virginia, US. And, as I often do in such situations, I spent certain amount of time sitting and observing people, hearing their conversations… And again I had this sense that somehow most of the conversations seem to be about proving to each other how right we are. As if the...
Past Stories, Present Feelings

means by this is that the healing comes from connecting to the present feelings and needs that are still alive today based on past situations. In other words, what is presently still needing attention and healing? My guess is that you have not been truly heard and no one has really understood you and the extent of your hurt, and I'm sensing that by telling your story you are hoping someone will...
Hidden Needs

when you see dishes in the sink. Here are the steps I would recommend: First, find something that you would like. It doesn’t even have to be a need yet. The point of this step is to get your attention on something you want and away from focusing on what is not working. Let’s say that you find that you are frustrated because you want to have the dishes done by someone else. Once you identify a...
What the World Needs

Mexico City. Like many middle class Mexican families, we had the privilege of having a maid working for us. Rosa cooked and cleaned, did laundry and ironed. More important for me — she gave me attention and care. My favorite memory is of her sitting next to me at the dining room table, patiently drawing houses for me, with little curtains at the windows and triangular roofs. All my childhood I...
Parenting Series: When Your Child Only Has "No" for an Answer

dialogues, Inbal answers other common questions like: What do I do when my child is “obstinate?” Why does my child thrive on not participating? Why does my child seem to want negative attention? These engaging role-play dialogues will teach you effective communication skills to better connect to the needs behind your child’s behavior. Equally important, Inbal also imparts practical wisdom on how...
Four Types of Feedback

and open to changing them when we discover new vantage points or information" (Kegan and Lahey). Central intention is neither to tear down nor to build up, but to disassemble. The object of attention is not the other but our own evaluation or judgment. And, of course, we always have four choices about how we receive feedback, regardless of what style it is offered Jackal ears out: Blame and...
Enemy Images Process and Exercise

the situation itself and the unmet quality of the needs. Connect inside yourself to the energy of the needs themselves, as they live in you regardless of circumstance, time or place. Place your attention on the inherent, positive quality of the needs. Breathe. 8. At this point, if you still notice inner disturbance, repeat steps 3-7 until you feel peace, or at least some degree of resolution. 9....
How to Interrupt

and you notice your energy start to drain away, here are some tips on how to compassionately interrupt her and create more connection for both of you: 1. Self empathy: As soon as you notice your attention drift, resentment begin to build or enemy images of the other person forming in your mind — for example, seeing them as "over talkative," a "loudmouth" or "inconsiderate" — pause, go inside and...
Nonviolent Communication Circle of Life

this inner circle, there is balance and wholeness. Our intention is to serve and celebrate life. ~ MIDDLE CIRCLE ~ This circle represents NVC consciousness to value everyone’s needs and keep attention focused in the present moment. Our Intention is for compassionate Connection (with self and others) which invites Choice and Freedom. ~ OUTER CIRCLE ~ When we find ourselves using habitual reactive...
An Introduction to Self-Empathy and Focusing

basis for both Focusing and NVC work. In NVC, the process of Self-Empathy involves connecting to our feelings and needs. Focusing (also referred to as Inner Relationship Focusing), brings your attention to your body sense which creates additional depth to your Self-Empathy practice. Ann Weiser Cornell, the founder of the Focusing process, refers to Self-Empathy as Self In Presence, which is...