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NVC Resources on Compassion

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The Three Stages of Emotional Liberation

realize that it is possible to value everyone’s needs equally. As this happens, we become able to consider everyone’s feelings and needs without taking responsibility for them. We are free to be compassionate and loving to many people, even ourselves. Indeed, we have reached emotional liberation. Take a few minutes to ponder what stage of emotional maturity you are currently in. Celebrate that...
Expressing Appreciation

Saying this provides the other person with more information, helps her understand how she contributed to you, and deepens your connection. There are three steps to expressing appreciation using Compassionate Communication: First, state what the other person did (taking time off work to drive you to the doctor’s office). Second, express your feelings (appreciation). Third, state your needs that...
Enjoying the Jackal Show

your life affects all other parts." —Gloria Karpinski When I am emotionally charged, my brain can begin an internal chatter that keeps me from focusing on the situation I’m in. Before I learned Compassionate Communication, I tried to ignore this chatter or censor it by thinking, “Oh, Mary, you shouldn’t feel that way. Don’t be so impatient. She’s not feeling well, you know.” My self-censorship...
Saying Thank You without Judgment

Trainer Tip "With every choice you make, be conscious of what need it serves." —Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. In Compassionate Communication, we believe that everything a person says or does is either a “please” or a “thank you.” In our culture, saying “thank you” usually involves an expression of appreciation in the form of a judgment or evaluation. Remember, judgments and evaluations can...
Transforming Complaint

Intuitions and impulses arising from spiritual clarity are more likely to support sustainable systems. 0. Zero Step: refine your spiritual clarity: Do you intend to connect in the service of compassionate giving and receiving? Are your Present, Aware? Focused on “From Now On?” Are you Open to Outcome, free of demands? If yes to all three, follow the requests as they arise within you... If no,...
Defining Needs

Trainer Tip "A theme may seem to have been put aside, but it keeps returning—the same thing modulated, somewhat changed in form" —Muriel Rukeyser In Compassionate Communication, we define needs as resources that life requires to sustain itself. Our physical well-being depends on our needs for air, water, food, rest, and shelter. Our psychological and emotional well-being relies on support,...
Overcoming Insecurity in Friendships

to us why people value having us in their lives. And, sometimes it’s just not. Wonder no more. Now is the time to take action. Consider asking a clarifying question using all four components of Compassionate Communication: Observation: “Sometimes when we’re together Feelings: I feel a little awkward and I’m telling myself that you probably have much more important things to do. Needs: I like the...
Being the Change We Seek

me. At one time in my life, I was frustrated because in staff meetings the staff wasn't connecting with one another as much as I wanted them to. This didn’t meet my needs for integrity because Compassionate Communication had taught me how to create deep connections. I felt a great deal of pain around this issue for months. Then, one morning I woke up with a message running through my head:...
Self-Empathy Regulation Process

If you are aware that your amygdala is activated, that you are in fight/flight or freeze and struggling to stay connected and compassionate with yourself or another, You can connect to your prefrontal cortex, regulate your upset, and find a healthy response to the situation by observing your breath, thoughts, and sensations; feeling and expressing your emotions; and connecting to your needs...
Focusing on Where We Are the Same

Trainer Tip Show love to all creatures and you will be happy . . . —Tulsidas In Compassionate Communication, we believe that everyone has the same needs, no matter how they strive to meet them. Can you imagine what needs the terrorists were trying to meet when they flew airplanes into the World Trade Center in 2001? To some, it seems unfathomable that they were meeting needs. But think about...