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NVC Resources on Compassion

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The Importance of Making Requests

that is in our best interest. —Melody Beattie Have you ever waited in a restaurant for a friend who finally shows up a half hour later than you agreed? When she walks in, you may say in the best Compassionate Communication you can muster, “There you are! You know, when you show up a half hour later than we agreed, I feel pretty annoyed because I have such a limited lunch hour and I’d like to...
Learning From Our Regrets

What would have better met your needs? Try not to judge your behavior, but learn from it. Each time we review our actions, we come closer to meeting our ideal. When I first started to learn Compassionate Communication, I would review my own situations and other people’s. I would translate the words of newscasters, grocery cashiers, my mother, and even my cat’s behaviors into feelings and needs....
Empathic Connection and Politics

poet David Whyte would say. And as my mentor Marshall Rosenberg often said, if we can “trust the process” and keep attention on our shared humanity, it is inevitable that empathic connection and compassionate giving and receiving will happen. Keywords: conflict polarization empathy politics Donald Trump John Kinyon
Enjoying The Process

Trainer Tip I have come to the conclusion, after many years of sometimes-sad experience, that you cannot come to any conclusion at all. —Vita Sackville-West In Compassionate Communication we strive to stop judging situations and people. Instead, we look at how we feel and whether our needs are met For example, if our partnership does not meet our need for intimacy, we talk with our partner...
Myths Of Power With

in part, an acceptance of our human limitations. It’s been painful, sad, and sobering. At times, it’s also been inspiring and uplifting to recognize and think of ways of going beyond blocks to compassionate effectiveness. My fear about writing all of this is none other than being seen as betraying the ideal and vision of holding everyone’s needs dear, of losing my heart, of giving up on the...
The Presence Of Hearing Someone Deeply

faculties are empty, then the whole being listens. There is then a direct grasp of what is right there before you that can never be heard with the ear or understood with the mind. —Chuang-Tzu In Compassionate Communication, empathy is the respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. It does not mean agreeing or even sharing the same experience as the other person. It is a process in...
The Murky Waters of Asymmetric Relationships

caused these wounds to be suppressed so deeply. And on the other hand we have a trainer, coach, therapist, who is always warm, welcoming, asking powerful questions, giving guidance and answers. Compassionate, patient, well…, just perfect. And this trainer has power, guides the process, and does not reveal much about themselves. Unless they want to which than makes them even more impressive: “Oh,...
Finding Your Way from Judgment to Discernment

judgmental when others don't follow your principles. It's confusing because you don't want to judge others, yet there has to be some moral standard, doesn't there?! From the framework of Mindful Compassionate Dialogue, we can extract ourselves from the impossible job of deciding who is moral and who isn't. Rather than defining morality around your opinions, you can engage in careful discernment...
Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

she’ll feel hurt if you don’t? If the latter is your motivation, it is not likely that you call often, or that you enjoy the conversations. When I started working for the Flagstaff Center for Compassionate Communication, they told me that we didn’t have set work hours, and that our pay was not dependent on a specific number of hours worked per week. I was flabbergasted, and I spent the first...
Serenity is a Choice

catastrophe, or when life is challenging, or when we are scared, hurt, angry, or sad. This happens when we are able to connect to what we value most, and to act in harmony with those values. In Compassionate Communication, many of us hold a deep value to connect with people. When we are open to connecting even if we are triggered, angry, sad, or hurt, we can achieve serenity in that moment....