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NVC Resources on Connection

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Idiomatic vs. Formal Compassionate Communication

Trainer Tip Every thought is new when an author expresses it in a manner peculiar to himself. —Marquis de Vauvenargues Do you sometimes feel awkward when you use the four components of Compassionate Communication (observation, feeling, need, request)? The four components are a tool to help people interact with others in a connected and compassionate manner. Formal use of the language is very...
Becoming a Change Agent Everywhere You Go

Access this complete 4 session course Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed – or locked into passivity? This course offers you a way out. Learn to change the way you perceive leadership, and you’ll help yourself respond more powerfully and proactively every day of your life – wherever you are – and whomever you’re with! When you're a Change Agent, you approach leadership as someone who consciously...
Nonviolent Communication

Ph.D. over 40 years ago. It is used in 35 countries worldwide. The two primary components of this process are: 1) a process for living that values everyone’s needs equally, and that values connections with people more than being right or winning; and 2) a set of tools that helps us do this. Most of us have been taught a way of living that promotes distrust and self-protection. In contrast,...
Feelings, the Second Component of Compassionate Communication

things, such as how we feel when we’re with someone, how we feel when we do something, or what we could do to feel better about something. This focus on thinking about the other has lessened our connection with self, and has contributed to our denial of self. So, when I suggest that people connect with their feelings and express them to others, they are shocked at how challenging this can be. If...
Taking Action to Change Our Experience

people. My loneliness and discomfort with people went on for more than ten years after high school because I hadn’t taken the risk then to overcome them. Later, my needs for intimacy, fun, and connection became more pressing than my needs for protection and ease, so I began to create strategies that would help me learn how to connect with people and protect myself. Reflect on an area of your...
Enemy Images

to meet with their behaviors. When you do this, you have a greater tendency to step out of judgment, which fosters resentment and anger, and move into understanding, which fosters compassion and connection. Be aware of the enemy images you harbor toward other people and begin the process of translating those images to bring relief to you. This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's...
Valuing Everyone’s Needs

in shock and devastated. My sadness about her situation was attached to my desire to live in a world where people value everyone’s needs, not just their own, and where we value commitment and connection. It is sometimes challenging to live these values. Talking things through can be laborious and painful, but the alternative can be the end of a relationship. If you’re feeling unhappy about a...
Observation, the First Component of Nonviolent Communication

of what happened or a recording of what was said, without adding in your own judgments or reasons why you think it happened. When you make observations, you open the possibility for deeper connection with the other person. You might say to your husband when he gets home, “You know, this is the third time this week you’ve come home after six, and I’m feeling confused and annoyed because I thought...
Empathy vs. Sympathy

Trainer Tip "Check with your body. It knows almost instantly if the connection is a good one." —Sark When we sympathize, we relate an aspect of someone’s story to ourselves, such as when we say: “Oh, I know just how you feel. Last week he did the same thing to me.” Another example is: “It’s going to be OK. You’ll see. I’ve been through this. Next week you’ll feel much better about it!” When we...
The Importance of Making Requests

action to help you get your needs met. There are two kinds of requests. One is for action, asking someone to do something specific such as washing the dishes within a half hour. The other is for connection, asking someone to do something that will help you connect to each other, such as asking her to reflect back what you said, or asking her to tell you how she feels about what you said. If we...