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Fear and Trust Facing the Year Ahead

point of 14 billion years of evolution. I realize I can trust this too, even as we witness deterioration and transformation of social, political, and eco systems on our planet. Wishing you love, connection, and peace “that passeth all understanding” in this New Year, Keywords: trust faith fear doubt spirituality John Kinyon
How to Ask for Space

and collaboration, and remain equanimous. You can also check in with the other person about their needs when they are asking for more closeness. Moving in close isn't always about intimacy or connection. Often, other needs are at play like reassurance, acceptance, and love. You can ask the other person to look through the needs list. Or, you could make some empathy guesses. Once they have...
Tips for the Road Series Tip 3

Some of the decisions I have made that I regret the most are the ones I made in haste, without tuning into my feelings and needs, and without fully considering the feelings and needs of others affected by my decision. Whenever possible, I suggest you slow down when making important decisions and do NVC self-empathy—connect to your feelings and needs (“Let me think about it,” is a handy response...
Forgiving Ourselves

Trainer Tip I have never seen a person grow or change in a constructive direction when motivated by guilt, shame, and/or hate. —William Goldberg Every single time you say or do something, you are trying to meet a need. Here’s an example. You’re on the phone with a friend who has called you at breakfast time, and your cereal is getting mushier by the second. With impatience in your voice, you...
Acknowledging Our Inner Critic

Trainer Tip "The only tyrant I accept in this world is the still small voice within me." —Mahatma Gandhi In Compassionate Communication, some of us call the critical voice inside our heads our jackal. The jackal says you should or shouldn’t do something; it judges you and other people; and it is the most likely to get scared when you begin to make a change. I used to be embarrassed by my jackal...
Stopping

In Marshall's suggestions for working with anger, his first step is to "Stop and Breathe". I have found it useful to practice this strategy when I'm feeling otherwise than angry. This has contributed to cultivating more awareness of my choices when angry feelings and thoughts become stimulated. This is a simple variation of a technique that is at least 2500 years old, popularized by the Indian...
Moralistic Judgments

Trainer Tip The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions. — Leonardo da Vinci Moralistic judgments imply that other people are wrong or bad because they don’t act in ways that are in harmony with our values. If you see someone driving faster than you think is safe, you might say that they are a maniac driver. If someone talks slower than is fun for you, you might say that they...
Getting Stuck Arguments Unstuck

gets created. Instead, fully step into one another's worlds and connect to the feelings and needs behind the strategy each party is putting forth. Read on for six elements to creating empathic connection. Read this article Keywords: argument stubborn empathy conflict resolution LaShelle Lowe-Chardé Elia Lowe Charde
Tips for the Road Series Tip 10

One of the most important things you can do to live a meaningful and rewarding life filled with vitality is reclaim your emotions. When you reclaim your emotions, you rescue yourself from the numb and deadening state of “fine” and from the dependence on alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, and countless other addictions to feel more alive. Expressing your emotions in nature is one to reclaim your...
Expressing Anger Peacefully

In this prerecorded telecourse, Raj Gill uses an interactive dialogue to help you transform old habits and to develop a new, and profoundly healthy response to anger. While cultural norms often teach us to suppress or control anger, Nonviolent Communication suggests that doing so ultimately keeps us from meeting our needs. Raj offers practical insight and proven exercises to use anger as a...