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NVC Resources on Connection

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Persisting vs. Demanding

Trainer Tip The art of love . . . is largely the art of persistence. —Albert Ellis Persisting is the active attempt to meet our needs by continuing to connect with another. Demanding is the insistence that someone do something to avoid negative repercussions. Let’s imagine that you want to go on vacation with a friend. She says she doesn’t have enough money. A demand would sound something like...
Developing Compassion for Humans, Animals and All Life

Access this complete 4 session course Around the world, people are experiencing a new paradigm that holds all species (humans, animals, insects, etc.) as equal and mutually interdependent. Take this fascinating webinar with LoraKim Joyner and investigate how merging science; the social and emotional intelligence of humans, animals and other species; and Nonviolent Communication can bring a...
Tips for the Road Series Tip 1

When someone is going through a hard time, it is natural to want to help. Contributing to others is one of our strongest needs, and yet our efforts to help sometimes miss the mark or even make things worse. When our attempts to help are not helpful, it is often because the receiver does not want help. The receiver simply may not be ready to fix something or look at solutions, or they might want...
Tips for the Road Series Tip 13

This Tip for the Road is my answer to the question: What are the most powerful things I can do to build an inspired relationship? I answered the question with romantic relationships in mind; however, I believe the answer below applies to all important relationships. No. 8. Follow Your Dreams and Find Your Purpose Keep doing what you love. Keep inspiring yourself. Keep living into your deepest...
Getting Our Need for Love Met

Trainer Tip Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third. —Marge Piercy “I just want you to love me.” How many of us have either heard this or said it to someone else? How would it look if your need for love was met? Would someone say the words, “I love you”? Would they buy you flowers weekly, or spend time listening to you talk about your day, or is it a combination...
Learn the Difference Between Observation and Observation Mixed with Evaluation

Recollecting the Indian philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti, Marshall calls the capability of distinguishing observation mixed with evaluation from observation, "the highest form of human intelligence." A useful exercise for me in practicing observation skills consists of mindful walking. First, setting an intention to connect with myself, I begin walking, preferably with no set direction in mind....
Giraffe Consciousness

Trainer Tip Try not to become a man of success, but rather, try to become a man of value. —Albert Einstein In Compassionate Communication, we use giraffes as our metaphor because they have the largest heart of all land mammals (40 pounds!). They remind us to connect from the heart. They also have long necks, a metaphor for seeing far down the road. So when we say or do something, it is...
Communicating with Children

Trainer Tip "The ways parents interact with their children contribute to shaping children’s understanding of themselves, their parents, human nature, and the world around them. A parent who takes a toy away from a toddler who had just taken it from another child, while saying, “No grabbing,” teaches both children that grabbing is okay—for those with more power. A parent who unilaterally imposes...
How to Express Feelings

Trainer Tip "By developing a vocabulary of feelings that allows us to clearly and specifically name or identify our emotions, we can connect more easily with one another. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable by expressing our feelings can help resolve conflicts." —Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Expressing how we feel about something gives the other person an idea of how important it is to us. It...
Acknowledging Other People’s Reality

Trainer Tip "Love is the recognition of Oneness, of knowing yourself as other. The Oneness is love." —Eckhart Tolle Can you hold onto your reality while simultaneously acknowledging someone else’s reality? What I mean is, can you have an argument with your partner and speak up for your view of things, while also acknowledging his view? This ability is the ultimate goal. It eliminates right and...