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NVC Resources on Connection

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When Hearing A No

Trainer Tip Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand. —Baruch Spinoza Persisting is when we actively attempt to meet our needs by continuing to connect with another person. Demanding is when we insist that someone do something, or else there will be negative repercussions. Say you ask your teenage son to mow the lawn this afternoon, and he says: “Oh Mom! I wanted to play ball with the...
Celebrate Your Progress!

Trainer Tip To me, every hour of the light and dark is a miracle. Every cubic inch of space is a miracle. —Walt Whitman Do you ever find yourself feeling overwhelmed with all that you want to do, rather than celebrating what you’ve already done? I started jogging recently. The first day I jogged for two minutes and walked for four minutes, and then repeated this cycle four times. To keep my...
Keeping Our Perspective

Trainer Tip Every man has a right to be valued by his best moment. —Ralph Waldo Emerson One of my clients recently told me of a situation at her office. She had just completed her third year with her organization. She had received exemplary annual reviews every previous year. She made a mistake a few weeks earlier that caused the company to lose money, and she was reprimanded harshly. Her...
Considering Everyone’s Needs Brings Peace

Trainer Tip Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation are men who want rain without thunder and lightning. —Frederick Douglass We feel our freedom when we are willing to look at others’ needs and our own, evaluate all of them and work toward valuing everyone’s needs. It sounds easy. It did to me in the beginning. However, in a charged moment, valuing other people’s needs...
Empowering Ourselves Through Our Choices

Trainer Tip The best way out is always through. —Robert Frost Every time we do something because we think we have to, or because we think we should, we are motivating ourselves through guilt and shame. How does it feel to do this? It can feel overwhelming and restricting. Sometimes, it can actually feel like there’s a heavy weight on our chest. Try a new way— discard the words “I have to” and...
Striving for Win-Win Resolutions

Trainer Tip In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. —Albert Einstein In Nonviolent Communication, we strive for win-win resolutions. That means that no one loses. We don’t decide things by the majority, because that would mean that the minority loses. Compromise is similar. In fact, in a compromise both people could feel dissatisfied with the resolution because it usually involves an...
Inspired By Meeting A Greek God

Sometimes life provides inspiring moments that are better than what I could come up with in my fantasy. For example, several years ago I landed, together with my then-wife on Crete, to start our one-week vacation. As it had been agreed beforehand, there was somebody waiting for us in the arrival hall, with our names on a piece of paper, to hand us the car we rented for that week. And, it was...
Mindfulness

Trainer Tip A humble knowledge of one’s self is a surer road to God than a deep searching of the sciences. —Thomas à Kempis What do you feel and need right now? Take a moment to ponder this. Mindfulness of being is the foundation of Compassionate Communication. That means that we try to stay present in each moment, focusing on what is happening right now. Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist scholar,...
Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

Trainer Tip When we fear punishment, we focus on consequences, not on our own values. —Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Are you motivated by fear of punishment or negative consequences? Or are you motivated by a true inner desire? Research shows that long-lasting, permanent change comes when people have an intrinsic desire to change. Extrinsic motivation is temporary and often only lasts while one...
Convergent Facilitation

Access this complete 5 session course If you’ve ever dreaded attending a meeting – or watched in dismay as your group collapses into conflict – know that a methodology known as Convergent Facilitation offers you possible solutions. It’s based on one simple experience: that people come together at the level of their underlying principles, needs, aspirations, and dreams, not at the level of their...