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NVC Resources on Anger

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Punitive Use of Force

wrong and the only way to change their behavior is to make them ashamed about doing it or feel afraid of doing it again. This consciousness arises from the belief that people do things that are dangerous to themselves or others because they are bad. It also assumes that we are in a position to determine what is good and what is bad, and that we have the power to enforce our views of this. For...
Empathic Connection and Politics

now talking. I hear him painting his political opponents as “liars,” “evil,” “horrible people,” and enemies not only of him, but of the American people and of our democracy. To me, this is very dangerous rhetoric from a political leader in his position — the president of the United States with a large base of ardent supporters! — and the majority of the Republican party seems to be completely...
Taking Responsibility for Our Actions

Trainer Tip We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel —Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Some time ago, I was visiting my family in the Seattle area. I was on I-5 heading south. The traffic was much slower than I had anticipated, and what I expected to be a one-hour drive became a two-hour drive. I could not detect any reason the traffic was...
Basic Pitfalls of Using NVC

results can be disastrous, such that other people become deeply suspicious of NVC. Here is a sample of what people often hear from others in such circumstances: "It's like I've got a complete stranger staying in my house." "Don't use this NVC thing on me." "What happened to you? Can't you speak normal?" "You sound so clinical." "Why can't you just be honest with me and tell me what's really...
Loving Our Role as Parent

Trainer Tip There is nothing more thrilling in this world, I think, than having a child that is yours, and yet is mysteriously a stranger. —Agatha Christie Parenthood is a paradox. If you do your job well, your children leave you. I met an English woman once who told me that for the first twenty-four hours of her son’s life, he was her child. She savored that first day with him intensely,...
Radical Understanding In A Post-Truth World

be a way that we humans can bridge the gulf of our differences in beliefs in order to come together to live more peacefully in greater well-being, respond collaboratively to the challenges and dangers we face, and create a way of living on the planet that is sustainable, just, and healthy for everyone. One of the things that makes empathic understanding so difficult yet so valuable is that it...
Empathic Listening Does Not Work Unless it is Empathic Listening

must say. These days, engaging in various different interactions and remembering even many more from the past, I am being reminded of these words and seeing how profoundly they point at a certain danger that lies within the field of human interactions and communication, and specifically also within the field of Nonviolent Communication and the practice of empathic listening at the heart of it....
Differentiating Between Feelings And Faux Feelings

Angry, sad, embarrassed Respect, acknowledgment, understanding Rejected Hurt, scared, angry, defiant Belonging, inclusion, closeness, to be seen, acknowledgment, connection Ripped off/ screwed Anger, resentment, disappointment Consideration, justice, fairness, justice acknowledgement, trust Smothered/ suffocated Frustrated, fear, desperation Space, freedom, autonomy, authenticity, self...
The Cause of Our Feelings

has been very important to me as well. The way I understand this is to differentiate two kinds of painful feelings — pure pain (sometimes called "natural pain" or "sweet pain") and suffering (i.e. anger, guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, etc.) — and that suffering is created by our thinking and pure/natural pain comes (is caused) when my full attention is focused on my needs. The question was...
NVC and Social Change

We already know that Nonviolent Communication is an excellent tool for preventing and resolving conflicts, for transforming anger, guilt, shame and depression, and for creating a high quality of connection through which people enjoy spontaneously contributing to one another’s well-being. We’ve also heard that NVC is a powerful ally for creating social change. How does this work? How do we...