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Key Assumptions and Intentions of NVC

when using NVC because we believe that they help us contribute to a world where everyone’s needs are attended to peacefully. Open-Hearted Living Self-compassion: We aim to release all self-blame, self-judgments, and self-demands, and meet ourselves with compassion and understanding for the needs we try to meet through all our actions. Expressing from the heart: When expressing ourselves, we aim...
NVC Basics

to the quality of your communication. Sylvia combines experiential, didactic instruction, live support and weekly participant exercises to teach you how to speak from your heart without blame, shame or criticism. Learn the key NVC distinctions, how to ground yourself in a compassionate intention, and specific tools to maintain your NVC consciousness in all interactions. Listen to this...
Four Types of Feedback

of attention is not the other but our own evaluation or judgment. And, of course, we always have four choices about how we receive feedback, regardless of what style it is offered Jackal ears out: Blame and criticize the sender Jackal ears in: Blame and criticize ourselves Giraffe ears in: Connect with our own feelings and needs Giraffe ears out: Connect with the feelings and needs of the sender...
Learning the Practice of Being in Empathy

and a beautiful process that helps people build connection and trust. Imagine being present with your whole being to perceive and relate to another person’s feelings and needs with no desire to blame, give advice or fix the situation. Empathy can also be described as “reading” another person’s inner state and translating it into understandable conversation which supports mutual connection....
Developing Discernment

day, write down a message you found difficult to hear... Imagine receiving the message and then internally responding with each of these choices: 1. Judgmental (Jackal) Ears Out Voice of Anger Blame or criticize the other person "It's your fault." "You are _________." "You should ______." Write how you might talk to yourself with this choice. Consider what needs may be met with this choice....
Being Honest About Our Anger

Trainer Tip Few blame themselves until they have exhausted all other possibilities. —Anonymous When I am angry, it is likely that I am not getting something that I want and that I think I should get, and I am about to say something that will ensure I won’t get it. When we blame other people, we place ourselves in a dangerous position of not meeting our needs in that relationship. Instead, take...
Tips for the Road Series Tip 7

cooperative (whatever word works for you) way to work through that with you.” Next, you can demonstrate that you really care about their needs and are not simply setting them up for judgment and blame by following the above opening statement with, “What isn’t working for you about that dynamic/challenge/situation?” Or, you could model some courageous self-responsibility and say, “I don’t like...
Feelings Are a Response to Our Met or Unmet Needs

because I wanted my schedule to be predictable. Then I noticed that sometimes I liked it when they were late because it gave me a break between appointments. Although it is sometimes easy to blame others for how we feel, the truth is our feelings are a result of our met or unmet needs. An example of this could be when your boyfriend tells you that you’re beautiful. I’m guessing this meets your...
What is Nonviolent Communication?

to resentment or lowered self-esteem. Nonviolent Communication assumes that enriching life is the most satisfying motivation for doing things, rather than being motivated by fear, guilt, blame, or shame. It emphasizes taking personal responsibility for choices and improving the quality of relationships as a primary goal. It is effective even when other people involved are not familiar with the...
How Anger Can Help or Hinder

to a disconnected state. It's easy here to get caught up in how right you are about the way people should behave or about how things should be. After all, it's true that your partner shouldn't blame you, right? As you have likely found, being right and telling your partner how they shouldn't blame you doesn't really help create intimacy or transformation. What's more true and important here is...