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NVC Resources on Conflict

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Valuing Everyone’s Needs

Trainer Tip It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop. —Confucius A friend of mine called to tell me that her husband had left her. He had spent the last couple of years wrestling with his feelings about their marriage. He never discussed his discontent with her. In fact, she first heard of his unhappiness when he was leaving her. She was in shock and devastated. My...
Communicating with Children

Trainer Tip "The ways parents interact with their children contribute to shaping children’s understanding of themselves, their parents, human nature, and the world around them. A parent who takes a toy away from a toddler who had just taken it from another child, while saying, “No grabbing,” teaches both children that grabbing is okay—for those with more power. A parent who unilaterally imposes...
Communicating Our Deepest Desires

Trainer Tip "In order to create a true connection, honesty is just as important as empathy." —Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., Founder Nonviolent Communication If you are not happy in your relationships or in your life, the chances are good that your communication patterns are part of the problem. I have noticed, in fact, that we often try to protect ourselves rather than ask for what we really...
Keeping The Focus On Ourselves

Trainer Tip The place to improve the world is first in one’s own heart and head and hands, and then work outward from there —Robert M. Pirsig Sometimes it takes three hours of empathy to prepare for a one-hour meeting. We all have times when we anticipate that a meeting or conversation might be challenging. I used to prepare for these moments by telling myself, “Buck up— you’ll get through it.”...
The Value of Change

Trainer Tip Respect is love. The heart is also love—and so are you. —Swami Chidvilasananda I often hear parents express sheer hopelessness that their relationship with their teenage children will ever change. They have tried everything they can think of and still there is unrest in the family. If you are in a similar situation, consider looking at things from the teenager’s perspective. What...
Sociocratic Meeting Facilitation

Access this complete 6 session course Do you ever feel frustrated about making decisions and getting things done, and long for a way to work together in connection AND achieve effective outcomes? Would you like to learn to facilitate effective and efficient meetings that nurture connection, equivalence and mutuality, while producing decisions that leave participants feeling energized and...
Considering Everyone’s Needs Brings Peace

Trainer Tip Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation are men who want rain without thunder and lightning. —Frederick Douglass We feel our freedom when we are willing to look at others’ needs and our own, evaluate all of them and work toward valuing everyone’s needs. It sounds easy. It did to me in the beginning. However, in a charged moment, valuing other people’s needs...
Making Requests Count

Trainer Tip There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And, if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost. —Martha Graham The first three components of the Nonviolent Communication process clarify our observations, feelings,...
How To Know If Someone Has Been Heard

Trainer Tip God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. —Psalms 46:1 Often people ask me how they can tell if the other person has been heard. Many times you can feel a release of tension in your own body. Other times you may notice that the other person responds in a calm tone with few words, such as “Yeah” or “Uh huh.” Two minutes before, he may have had a lot more to say...
Sometimes I Can’t Get Past My Judgments

Trainer Tip Adversity introduces a man to himself. —Anonymous Don’t you just want to say “Ugh!” sometimes? “Ugh” comes to mind for me when I intend to connect with someone while my brain works overtime telling me all the reasons why this person is bad or wrong. This recently came up for me when a woman called me to lodge a complaint about an interaction we had. I let her talk for about ten...