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NVC Resources on Conflict

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Lonely Together

When conflict or criticism occurs, we can notice two layers of meaning to create connection: the content and the needs the speaker is holding. When we are able to recognize this --and ideally engage open-heartedly, with curiosity, make clear requests, imagining what they want, no matter how their expression was framed -- we have more opportunity to support the longevity of our relationships,...
Share Impact for Liberation (Part 2)

If we are to transform the existing social order, and shift to a mode of liberation for all, we'll need to look at our own participation in it. This includes how much we are able to focus on keeping our hearts open; speak to impact without attributing intention; and retain a humility that includes our systemic context. Read on for "how to" when we are in a position of less power. Read this...
How To Interrupt Tragic Cycles That Prevent Collaboration

Interrupt cycles of conflict by creating a new ways forward. You can do this by connecting with the energy of the met needs you want in the dynamic; guessing the other person's needs; naming your needs; asking essential questions; identifying at least three different strategies to meet each need; and imagining the positive outcome. Read on for more. Read this article Keywords: conflict...
Inoculation For Outrage

When outraged or resigned over polarized issues, pause to ask yourself who may be benefiting from this conflict? What are we not paying attention to that’s even more important? What matters most? Am I being distracted away from something more important? What do I really want? Where can I choose to focus attention and action for the wellbeing of all life on the planet (which is also my wellbeing...
Healing a Repetitive Reactive Dynamic

In healing reactivity try identifying your most common complaints, wishes, or requests. Or when you tend to defend, justify, get angry, or protect. Find the tender needs. You can recall when you experienced deep nourishment of that need. Several times a week nourish your tender needs. Be clear about the strategy to address needs by answering key questions. Read on for more. Read this article...
Dissolving Reactivity With Your Partner

Most reactivity in intimate relationships comes from a lack of confidence in maintaining intimacy, autonomy, or security. What may help is naming what's happening, interrupting shame, and anchoring or reassuring yourself. You can also reflect on the effects of acting from reactivity. Knowing what helps center you, ask your partner to do or say specific things that might help. Read on for more....
Requests in a Moment of Reactivity

Here are 16 helpful requests you can make before you're swept up in your own reactivity. Read this article Keywords: reactivity requests connection requests pause boundaries argument conflict LaShelle Lowe-Chardé Elia Lowe Charde
How to Set Boundaries Early and Often

Using the example of being met with chronic lateness, here are three steps to setting boundaries early in a dating situation or relationship. Read this article Keywords: dating boundaries punctuality conflict argument saying no LaShelle Lowe-Chardé Elia Lowe Charde
How To Handle “Predatory Listening”

While someone is upset or hurt they may "listen" to us to gather evidence for a rebuttal, to assert or validate a preconceived idea, and so on. When in this "predatory listening" mode, the "listener's" needs overshadow relational values like understanding, connection, or mutuality. In response to this we can consider our purpose, affirm any positive intent or need in what they say, and ask...
Getting Beyond Our Self-Defeating Behaviors

Trainer Tip There is no way to peace; peace is the way. —A.J. Muste Have you ever noticed yourself doing something that shakes the serenity of your colleagues, your family, or yourself? We have become so used to conflict that we hardly know how to handle some situations without it. Not long ago, I participated in a committee of Nonviolent Communication trainers. I was starting to tell myself...