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NVC Resources on Demands

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Persisting vs. Demanding

that would meet both of your needs. When we persist and consider all needs, we are more likely to meet all of them. Many times this results in a win-win solution. Notice whether you are making demands today. This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's book Peaceful Living, available from PuddleDancer Press. Keywords: demands empathy needs strategies listening persistence universal human...
Choice in the Face of Demands

Do you want to have access to choice when requests or demands come your way? Would you like to free yourself from the submit/rebel dynamic? No one likes demands. Some of the time we respond to perceived demands by saying “Yes” out of fear; and some of the time we respond by saying “No” to perceived demands regardless of the nature of what’s being asked, even if we might want to say “Yes” if...
Making Demands

you’ll be upset, he will likely participate with less creativity and enjoyment. This dynamic limits both people’s chance for enjoyment. Neither submission nor rebellion is a win for anyone. Demands limit the possible responses and deaden the opportunity for joyful participation. You will have more success in getting your needs met by considering everyone’s needs and coming to mutually satisfying...
Demands vs Requests

Trainer Tip "Life is short, but there is always time enough for courtesy" ——Ralph Waldo Emerson When you demand that someone do something, their only choice is to succumb or rebel; they either do what you asked or they don’t. Sometimes, a demand can look like a request. You say, “Honey, will you please mow the lawn today?” It sounds like a request, but notice what happens if your partner says,...
Parenting Series: Understanding Requests and Demands

dialogue, Inbal demonstrates how we can stay in a dialogue even when our children say, “No” simply by viewing the situation through our “Giraffe Glasses.” Keywords: requests connection requests demands empathy presence requests compassion judgment families parenting disagreement is progress Inbal Kashtan
Making Empowering Requests (Not Demands)

Use this worksheet to check to see if you’re making a request, rather than a demand. Clarify and connect your request to your needs. Check your motivations. Use a phrase, question, or empathy guess to connect to the person if they say “no”. See sample requests for actions, offers, and for deepening understanding. Read this article Keywords: connection request demand hearing a no action request...
Making Requests and Avoiding Demands

a demand, and five possible reasons for meeting requests. The difference between a request and a demand is only clearly seen when the other person says "no". Read this Practice Keywords: requests demands motivation life enriching structures life serving guilt buying love shame punishment Sylvia Haskvitz
Choice in Every Moment

the time, in every situation, regardless of the circumstances. She encourages us to reach for a consciousness that acknowledges our ability to choose how we respond even in the face of another’s demands. She carefully looks at both sides of demands, our demands of others and others’ demands of us, and then guides us through a process of liberating ourselves from old beliefs of “not having...
When Hearing A No

Trainer Tip Do not weep; do not wax indignant. Understand. —Baruch Spinoza Persisting is when we actively attempt to meet our needs by continuing to connect with another person. Demanding is when we insist that someone do something, or else there will be negative repercussions. Say you ask your teenage son to mow the lawn this afternoon, and he says: “Oh Mom! I wanted to play ball with the...
Transforming Needs Into Compassionate Connection

Iris Bawidamann explains how needs, like appreciation, can easily turn into demands or self-blame when approached from a place of lack or expectation. Instead of blaming others for not meeting our needs or harshly demanding fulfillment from ourselves, living compassion invites us to gently embrace and connect with the essence of our needs. By tuning into the feeling and meaning of appreciation...