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Being Me and Loving You

Access this complete 4 session course It is time to create true transparency, empathy and trust in your intimate relationships! In this inspiring telecourse recording, Kelly combines humor, music, group readings and experiential exercises to help you realize the fulfilling and intimate relationships you long for. Learn practical tools and confidence to: Create true transparency, empathy and...
Introduction to NVC Mediation

This Introduction to NVC Mediation provides a conceptual overview and experiential taste of the NVC mediation learning model developed by John Kinyon and Ike Lasater. NVC mediation can be applied to conflict in all types of situations — from organizational and community to personal relationships, and in four mediation contexts – internal, interpersonal, informal, and formal – as well as pre-...
The Four D's of Disconnection

The Four D's of Disconnection Inspired by the work of Marshall Rosenberg and Lucy Leu Each of the 4 D's is a tragic expression of an unmet need. CategoryMeaningBehavior/ExampleForm DIAGNOSIS Who is what? Judging, labeling, criticizing "You are lazy and only care about yourself!" You are ____________. DENIAL OF RESPONSIBILITY Who is to blame? Denial of choice, blaming "I have to do what the boss...
Anatomy of a Trigger

We all create meaning about what happens in our lives that is based on our past experiences and trauma. For most of us, we do this so quickly that we don’t even notice that we’re doing it! When we create meaning about something internally, we become convinced that the other person (or ourselves sometimes) has done something wrong, and we proceed to judge them (or ourselves) for it. The alarming...
Mediating Conflict Conversations with Observation, Feeling, Need, and Request

Mediating a conflict conversation can be challenging – but with tools and practice, that challenge can be transformed. If you're curious about the specific steps needed to achieve that transformation, join John for an exploration of his non-dual mindfulness practice, grounded on NVC's core components of: Observation Feeling Need Request John leads a thoughtful role-playing demonstration...
Observing without Judgment

Trainer Tip "Keep your eye on the sunshine and you will not see the shadows." —Helen Keller You’re in a store and you see someone you haven’t seen in a while. She walks past you without saying anything. You think, “What a snob” or “She doesn’t like me.” Later you find out that she didn’t recognize you, or that she was in a hurry to get her mother’s medication at the pharmacy. On another day,...
Moralistic Judgments

Trainer Tip The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions. — Leonardo da Vinci Moralistic judgments imply that other people are wrong or bad because they don’t act in ways that are in harmony with our values. If you see someone driving faster than you think is safe, you might say that they are a maniac driver. If someone talks slower than is fun for you, you might say that they...
Losing Our Judgments

Trainer Tip Do not consider painful what is good for you. — Euripides Have you ever noticed how one minute something can seem so utterly painful you’re sure it must be bad, then, a short time later, the most amazing results happen, so then you think it’s good? This has happened to me countless times. Consider the time my car died when my finances were at an all-time low. That was bad, I...
Enemy Images

Trainer Tip Sometimes a slight difference in where we stand can dramatically change how we see things. —Melody Beattie Do you harbor negative thoughts about others? Do these negative feelings affect your ability to enjoy those relationships or communicate effectively? When you foster resentment or anger toward other people, your focus is on your perceptions of the other person’s foibles. Your...
Life-Alienating Communication

Trainer Tip "Any change in one part of your life affects all other parts." —Gloria Karpinski We have all learned patterns of speech that keep us separate from other people. These patterns can look like judgments, criticisms, and blame, and they are prevalent in our society. In each case, the speaker separates herself from the listener by preoccupying herself with moralistic judgments. She...