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NVC Resources on Judgment

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Empathizing with Someone Who is Silent

Trainer Tip Empathize with silence by listening to the feelings and needs behind it./em> —Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D....
Expressing Ourselves Honestly

Trainer Tip "We never know how high we are—till we are called to rise." —Emily Dickinson You have something that you want to say to someone, but you’re worried they won’t enjoy hearing it. What do you do? Say it anyway or keep it to yourself to maintain peace in the relationship? If you bottle it up, you will begin to resent the other person, so being honest is the best way to maintain the...
Taking 100% Responsibility for Every Relationship

Access this complete 4 session course When relationships falter, our habitual response is either to blame the other person (sadly frequent) or to blame ourselves. If only one or the other of us did something “right,” then the relationship would be different… Whoever you blame, the act of blaming leaves you in the victim position and unable to have the relationship you want. Taking 100%...
Using Anger to Serve Life

Trainer Tip All rising to a great place is by a winding stair. —Francis Bacon Sometimes we need to empathize with a person before he can hear our anger. Consider that all anger is an expression of an unmet need. If we focus on the need, rather than the actions, we are more likely to connect compassionately with other people. For instance, if your son shaves your cat, what do you suppose his...
Observation, the First Component of Nonviolent Communication

Trainer Tip He that knows least commonly presumes the most. —Thomas Fuller, M.D. Your five-year-old just drew on your wall with crayons and you think, “He’s trying to make my life difficult because he’s mad at me.” Or your husband comes home later than he had agreed to for the third time this week, so you think, “He doesn’t care about my feelings at all.” Sound familiar? People often decide why...
Connection, Connection, Connection

Trainer Tip "I want to connect more than I want to be right and more than I want to win!" —Mary Mackenzie Do you get into “right fights”? You know you’re in one when you’re arguing with somebody in order to be right or because you want to win. In these arguments we are rarely trying to connect. Being right is the name of the game. Why do we do this? For many, it is an attempt to meet needs for...
A Focus on Needs

Trainer Tip "Judgments, criticisms, diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our needs. If someone says, 'You never understand me', they are really telling us that their need to be understood is not being fulfilled." —Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Imagine that your wife comes home from work and you ask her to go dancing and she says, “Oh no, not tonight, honey....
Honesty Is the Key

Trainer Tip "It is tempting to sleepwalk through life. To tell half-truths, listen halfway, be half-asleep, drive with half attention . . . Wake Up!" —Sark Do you sometimes struggle with honesty? Do you ever have something you’d like to say to someone, but worry about how she will receive it? In Nonviolent Communication, we see expressing honesty as a gift of our authenticity, and an...
Taking the First Step

Trainer Tip "Love is the recognition of Oneness, of knowing yourself as other. The Oneness is love." —Eckhart Tolle Sometimes I hear people say things like, “Why does it always have to be me who takes the first step?” It can feel overwhelming when we put effort into something but other people don’t participate as much as we’d like. I see this most often in couples and colleagues. One person in...
Embracing Nonviolence

Access this complete 4 session course Gandhi spoke about applying nonviolence in thought, word, and action. The heart of the practice of nonviolence is a commitment to live through the powerful combination of compassion, fierceness, and courage, with an uncompromising willingness to stand for truth. The purpose of this course is to place NVC within the tradition of nonviolence and to support...