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Parenting for Connection

When I was a boy I received a King Kong action figure for my birthday. At that time I really liked King Kong and this gift was very special. While playing with my toy I soon found out that my little brother (around 3 years old) was afraid of my King Kong doll. So like a good big brother I ran around the house scaring him by showing him the doll and by roaring like King Kong. My brother, of...
Tips for the Road Series Tip 22

Substitute Inner Leader—the term I use below—with whatever term works best for you: Inner Parent; Inner Grandmother; Inner Elder; Compassionate Companion; Highest Self; etc. Spend some time each day (even a few minutes helps, more is better) giving yourself nurturing attention from the position of your Inner Leader. Welcome all the parts of yourself, give them empathy, send them love,...
Opening to Intimacy

Trainer Tip "The deepest need of man is the need to overcome his separateness, to leave the prison of his aloneness." ——Erich Fromm Some time ago, I was at a gathering of 2,000 people. I was feeling very sad, vulnerable, and lonely, so I chose to sit by myself in a crowd of people I didn’t know. Then I heard my name blaring across the crowd. A group of my friends were calling me over to sit...
Acknowledging Other People’s Reality

Trainer Tip "Love is the recognition of Oneness, of knowing yourself as other. The Oneness is love." —Eckhart Tolle Can you hold onto your reality while simultaneously acknowledging someone else’s reality? What I mean is, can you have an argument with your partner and speak up for your view of things, while also acknowledging his view? This ability is the ultimate goal. It eliminates right and...
Control

I believe we’re seeing in the world the inevitable effects of the temptation for us humans to use our intelligence to control – Nature, people, groups, nations, ourselves — and control so easily slides into domination, oppression, and exploitation. It’s inevitable what happens in the paradigm of separation and materialism in which we live. Control makes us feel safe in an uncertain,...
Myths Of Power With

The terms power-over and power-with were coined in 1924 by a woman who has mostly been forgotten – Mary Parker Follett, while writing and lecturing about management theory and practice. Her approach, which centered on human relations and collaboration between management and workers, stood in stark contrast to the mainstream management practices of her day, which were rooted in what was then...
The Heart and Science of Empathy

Access this complete 5 session course Join Eric in journeying through the world of Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) as he expands on the theories and tools from his book Meet Me In Hard-to-Love Places: The Heart and Science of Relationship Success. You'll discover why IPNB and NVC complement each other so well, especially in the powerful practice of Somatic-Based Resonant Empathy. Benefits...
Punishment, Needs and the Protective Use of Force

Ask the Trainer: For many years I have been using crime and punishment (reward and consequences) to discipline because it was the only thing I knew. I knew deep in my heart it was alienating me...
Differentiating Between Feelings And Faux Feelings

This chart is intended as an aid to translating words that are often confused with feelings. These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. To use this list, when somebody says “I’m feeling rejected,” you might translate this as: “Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?” Faux Feeling Feeling(s) Need(s) Abandoned...
Distinguishing Universal Needs from Strategies

In this excerpt from their book, CHOICE: A field guide for navigating the polarization of our world and living interdependently, Kathleen and Jared offer a path to reach deeper clarity, distinguishing between universal needs and strategies. Universal Needs Essential life qualities Needs are the essence of life, the miraculous qualities that spark my thoughts, speech, and all my actions. This...