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NVC Resources on Mourning

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Being Held And Transformed In The Formless

When we feel pain about humans relate to, and conflict with, one another on Earth what can give us capacity to transform it? Perhaps in connection to the formless consciousness of unity we may relax, open, expand -- and connect to formless human needs, a sense of universal well being, benevolence and good will. Loving action flows from here. Suffering shifts into deep healing, grace and new...
When It’s Hard For Us To Express Our Needs

Trainer Tip Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. —George Bernard Shaw, Irish Playwright When I first discovered that I had needs, I talked about them to anyone who would listen. I was so filled with grief over spending the first 40 years of my life unaware of them that I started a personal mission to be conscious of them and to...
Stages of Emotional Maturity

Trainer Tip As long as one keeps searching, the answers come. —Joan Baez Many of us begin our personal journey thinking that we are responsible for everyone’s feelings, and strive to keep everyone happy. At this stage, we are afraid of losing ourselves in relationships, and may think we are abused. In the next stage of development, we come to understand that we are not responsible for other...
Enemy Images Process and Exercise

Ask the Trainer Dear Trainer, What guidance do you have for working with enemy images? Can you say some things about processes and/or exercises that can bring relief from this trap? Namaste, —K.M., California, USA Trainer Answer and Practice Exercise The first step is to recognize when enemy images are present in our minds. Often I find that these images operate at a semi-conscious level,...
Core Beliefs and Gratitude Exercise

How core beliefs may keep us from fully experiencing gratitude: Some of my core beliefs make experiencing gratitude difficult. For example, it’s difficult to celebrate others or myself when I think I have to prove my worth in order to be accepted. So much energy goes into proving myself, there’s little left for celebration. I find that when I clarify my core beliefs and the underlying needs...
Complex Truth-Telling And Empowered Change

"Our bodies don’t want to spend their energy denying, suppressing, avoiding, and averting. They want to live organically in what’s true for them. They want their messages to be received, so they can move, shift, and flow with the rhythms of life." Have you noticed a tendency in yourself to try to "look on the bright side" when things are feeling chaotic or painful? It makes so much sense why we...
Understand And Dissolve Obstacles To Setting Life-Serving Boundaries

There are ways to reduce obstacles to setting boundaries. Notice unconscious ways you sacrifice yourself in order to avoid boundary setting. List of signs that a life-serving boundary is needed, but you're denying this. Realizing you consistently abandoned your needs may require time to process and mourn before you can set boundaries consistently. With practice, you can recognize boundaries...
Staying Self-Connected in a Challenging Dialogue

When we're judging we're less able to access what we care about and what we could do about the situation. Instead, create more internal space, self connection and agency starting with connecting to your feelings and needs; then feel your grief or disappointment; followed by getting curious about the other party's needs and context -- and then based on collective needs and the long term effects...
Wishing For More Maturity & Skill In Others

In some situations you might expect people to show a degree of maturity or skill. When they don't, your anger-fueled response doesn't lead to lasting improved relationship change. Instead, find someone who retains focus on your feelings and needs rather than colluding with you about what should(n't) be. This can support greater acceptance, grief, vulnerability, groundedness and discernment,...
Two Basics That Support Conflict Resolution

Connecting, with yourself and with the other person, is foundational to care and creativity. Before dialogue connect with your intention and needs for being with grief, fear or pain, and empathy. Dialogue when you're both rested, fed, and have the spaciousness. Start with expressing care and a desire to find mutually satisfying solutions. To deepen connection you might repeat what you hear and...