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NVC Resources on Strategies

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Mediating Conflicts

to maintain his image.” “Yes, thank you.” Connecting to everyone’s needs can take several hours. It is precious time, though, because once this quality of connection is established, creating strategies that values both their needs can come quickly. When using the Nonviolent Communication process, all parties will probably be satisfied with the results. I avoid the mistake of starting with...
Mediating with a Group

you mediate a group conflict, the principles of listening for needs are the same as with one-on-one conflicts. Start the mediation by telling everyone that the group will not begin looking at strategies until everyone’s needs have been heard. Dedicate the first portion of the mediation solely to hearing needs. Then encourage one person to start the process by stating her needs in the situation....
The Top Five Deal Breakers in Relationships

“top five deal breakers” in relationships. These are things a person decides she must have in order to be happy in a relationship. Usually, I hear people identify their top five deal breakers as strategies, such as “I want him to enjoy gardening, to be a good cook, to have a good job,” etc. Instead, I suggest you look at needs that you are trying to meet, and open yourself to a variety of...
10 Healthy Ways To Deal With Anger

ask yourself what "should" statements you are thinking about others or yourself. The other cause of anger is unmet needs. You can try to discover the unmet need you have. 4. Think of ways (strategies) that you can meet your unmet need(s) once you have discovered them. You can also ask others to help you think of strategies to meet your need(s). 5. Express your unmet need to yourself and/or...
Contributing to Emotional Safety Without Giving Up Honesty

Contributing to emotional safety does not have to be in conflict with honest expression and authenticity. These are separate things. Imagining that you have to take care of someone’s tender heart by becoming small or giving up your needs is called enmeshment. This is a tragic strategy for relating. Enmeshment is encouraged in systems of oppression in which the person with less power is...
Universal Needs

Trainer Tip It is right and necessary that we should be individuals. The Divine Spirit never made any two things alike— No two rosebushes, two snowflakes, two grains of sand, Or two persons. We are all just a little unique for each wears A different face; but behind each is One Presence—God —Ernest Holmes Every human being has the same universal needs. For instance, we all need support but we...
Punishment, Needs and the Protective Use of Force

Ask the Trainer: For many years I have been using crime and punishment (reward and consequences) to discipline because it was the only thing I knew. I knew deep in my heart it was alienating me...
Setting Intentions with Attention

Kristin Masters explores how to approach goal-setting and self-reflection with compassion and mindfulness grounded in NVC principles. Kristin encourages you to examine how conscious choice plays a role in how we treat ourselves and others. By shifting away from judgment and self-criticism, and instead embracing the NVC practice of meeting our intentions with empathy, we can foster deeper...
Is NVC Always One-on-One?

Rob’s needs that led to the strategy of not wanting to include Maya, several other people in the group became quite charged. They were unwilling to let go of accepting Maya back. At the level of strategies, the conflict was clear: Maya wanted to come back, most people wanted her back, and Rob didn’t. We took a long stretch of time to resolve this issue. Many people at different points in time...
Peace Starts At Home

things together 4. The Gift of Connection Requests: a. Taking 100%responsibility for the relationship b. Navigating conversations to everyone's benefit c. Knowing when to move into specific strategies and solutions 5. Creating Relationship Agreements: a. Trust building strategies i. Agreed regularly scheduled activities (e.g. mutual appreciation) II. Agreements about how to handle conflict III....