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NVC Resources on Trust

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Four Ways to Hear Any Message

with ourselves: I feel sad and hurt because I’d like her to understand where I’m coming from. When I show up later than I agreed to, I feel sad and disappointed because I want my friends to trust me. 4. Empathizing with others: Are you disappointed because you’d like to know that I value your needs as much as mine? Are you angry and want some reassurance that I’ll show up when I say I will? In...
Evaluating Ourselves with Compassion

into “I am so frustrated that I did that because it doesn’t meet my need for integrity.” “I know better and I did it anyway!” could be translated into “I am so ticked because I would like to trust myself more.” And “I am so fat” can mean “When I weigh 30 pounds more than I would like, I feel sad because I want to take better care of myself.” When you translate your negative self-talk, you are...
Timing of a request

from the dry cleaner. Your sweater arrived as a size twelve but now it is a size two, so you say to the manager, “When I see the new size of my sweater I feel annoyed because I would like to trust that your employees will take care of my belongings.” You expressed the observation, feeling, and need, but not a request. As a result the manager is likely to feel defensive and worried and might...
The Timing of Making A Request

from the dry cleaner. Your sweater arrived as a size twelve but now it is a size two, so you say to the manager, “When I see the new size of my sweater I feel annoyed because I would like to trust that your employees will take care of my belongings.” You expressed the observation, feeling, and need, but not a request. As a result the manager is likely to feel defensive and worried and might...
Directness

in a relationship. The person may not enjoy what I say, but at least they know where I’m coming from. If I am true to myself, I am true to my relationships. Directness is a gift that builds trust. For today, make a commitment to be direct in your interactions with other people to meet your needs for honesty and compassion. This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's book, Peaceful...
You Suck At Conflict

Underneath our conflict-avoidant compulsion is usually a universal need for harmony, along with needs for ease and conservation of energy. Understandable. We also avoid it because we don’t trust our skills. My skills give me great confidence in conflict situations. But we often avoid conflict at the expense of being authentic. We hide or suppress our truth to avoid conflict. How does this serve?...
The Long-Short Way, And The Short-Long Way

focused, or sometimes both. The opposite is the long-short way. I take the time at the beginning to get the foundation of the building right. I take the time to establish the relationships, the trust, and the rapport. I properly stake, water, prune, and care for my young orchard trees. As a group we establish at the beginning agreements around our process (and of course these can evolve as we...
Empathy For Children

his dinner by six o’clock. The better you connect with your child’s needs, the more you will defuse the power struggle that often occurs in parent/child relationships, and the more you will build trust. Be aware today of opportunities to empathize with your children. This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's book, Peaceful Living, available from PuddleDancer Press. Keywords: children...
The Murky Waters of Asymmetric Relationships

sees me in my very essence and inner beauty like nobody ever did. I feel so deeply understood. And appreciated for who I am. And loved. And safe. There is so much connection here, and beauty, and trust… And he is looking at me so deeply, I feel like I am really special, chosen…” And these feelings may guide the client, participant into moving in a way they would perhaps not move outside this...
The Lonely Trainer

games and spiritual nonsense, but would grab them by their ears when necessary. Because they love them enough, they care for them and they have an intimate relationship with them that is based on trust and equality. And empathy. A few years back I worked, in a couple of large projects, with a fellow trainer who brought NVC to her country and did, in ten years or so, a heroic job of spreading it...