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NVC Resources on Values

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Separating Observations And Evaluations

Trainer Tip I’ve never seen a stupid kid; I’ve seen a kid who sometimes did things I didn’t understand Or things in ways, I hadn’t planned; I’ve seen a kid who hadn’t seen the same places where I had been, But he was not a stupid kid. Before you call him stupid, think, was he a stupid kid or did he just know different things than you did? —Ruth Bebermeyer Oftentimes we blend an observation—the...
Evaluations vs. Feelings

Trainer Tip The situation is critical . . . but not serious. —Sonia Choquette Has someone ever said to you, “I feel like you just don’t care about me!” or “I feel you are not being honest” or “I feel manipulated, betrayed, judged.” All of these statements reflect an evaluation that someone is having about another person. Someone who says “I feel like you don’t care” may be saying this because...
Beyond "Evaluation"

Read this article Keywords: evaluation interpretation judgement conflict domination NVC myth Bob Wentworth
Evaluating Ourselves with Compassion

depression and stagnation. When you think about it, how likely are you to promote positive change if you are feeling shame? Another way to look at your foibles is to acknowledge your needs (or values) that aren’t met by your actions. You can translate “Well, that’s stupid” into “I am so frustrated that I did that because it doesn’t meet my need for integrity.” “I know better and I did it...
Learn the Difference Between Observation and Observation Mixed with Evaluation

Recollecting the Indian philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti, Marshall calls the capability of distinguishing observation mixed with evaluation from observation, "the highest form of human intelligence." A useful exercise for me in practicing observation skills consists of mindful walking. First, setting an intention to connect with myself, I begin walking, preferably with no set direction in mind....
Aligning Our Strategies with Our Values

Trainer Tip Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend’s forehead. —Chinese proverb What do you value most? Do your actions match your values? I used to think that I valued integrity more than anything, yet I went to work every day for five years at a job I hated. I thought that I valued friendships but it just didn’t seem convenient to be present when friends were in dire straits....
Living Our Values

this is good, but people are beginning to suspect that we have paid a high spiritual price for our plenty. —Euell Gibbons Sometimes I wish everyone else would just make it easy for me to live my values. If other people would just do their part, I wouldn’t have to work so hard at doing mine. Can you relate to this? Here’s the real truth: I support peace in the world, which means that I want to...
Valuing Everyone’s Needs

was attached to my desire to live in a world where people value everyone’s needs, not just their own, and where we value commitment and connection. It is sometimes challenging to live these values. Talking things through can be laborious and painful, but the alternative can be the end of a relationship. If you’re feeling unhappy about a relationship you are in, whether it’s personal or...
Modeling Our Values With Our Children

As parents, aligning our values with our actual behavior can be challenging. In this video, Roxy discusses the importance of modeling behavior for children, both in how they handle challenges and in their overall approach to life. Her message encourages using real-life examples to show that everyone is a work in progress and that it's okay not to be perfect. Keywords: Roxanne Manning Roxy...
The Value of Just Being

everyone else. It wasn’t about being my best, but rather about surpassing other people. That meant other people were setting the bar that I strove to surpass. It was not at all connected to my values and integrity. I felt sad about this and I mourned it for a while. Eventually, though, I was able to clarify my goals. Now I enjoy challenging myself and I enjoy doing the best that I can. I value...