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NVC Resources on Values

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Communicating With People Who Don’t Share Our Values

Tip Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace. —Amelia Earhart Nonviolent Communication works with everyone, even people who aren’t familiar with the process or don’t share our values for connection and compassion. In fact, compassion automatically blossoms when we stay true to the principles of Nonviolent Communication. We don’t try to convince anyone to do it our way or to value...
Valuing My Needs When I Habitually Don't

Listen to John answer an NVC Library member's question about what we can do when we habitually place other's needs ahead our own. Healing and change can be reached through compassionate self-connection, needs awareness, mourning and mindfulness. Keywords: mourning needs requests self empathy strategies connection self compassion self connection mindfulness safety universal human needs John...
Clarifying What You Value

tried to be the kind of person they wanted me to be. If someone didn’t want to spend time with me, I was certain it was because I wasn’t a likeable person. It did not occur to me to clarify my own values and to live from them. For instance, I value authenticity so I began to speak up when something was important to me, rather than keep quiet so that people would like me. Once I truly understood...
Acting in Accordance With Our Values

Trainer Tip A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. —Oscar Wilde We’re not perfect. Sometimes we say and do things we regret later. I used to feel somewhat justified when I snapped at a grocery clerk, or if I cut someone off in traffic. After all, they didn’t know me, right? Now I know that every action we take has an impact. The nature of the...
Relating to the Value of Things Rather Than the Cost

Trainer Tip What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. —Oscar Wilde How much is that class worth to you? How about that blouse or new wallet? So many of us decide worth based on outside influences. When we make spending decisions, I suggest we base them on the value we receive from that item or service. I have a massage therapist who comes to my house and...
The Value of Change

Trainer Tip Respect is love. The heart is also love—and so are you. —Swami Chidvilasananda I often hear parents express sheer hopelessness that their relationship with their teenage children will ever change. They have tried everything they can think of and still there is unrest in the family. If you are in a similar situation, consider looking at things from the teenager’s perspective. What...
Groups Tip Series: The Value of Groups

Listen to Miki talk about the value of participating in groups, recognizing our inherent nature to do so, how industrialization has hindered our skills and the value of participating in a time when it's most needed. Keywords: expression honesty self empathy strategies connection listening relationships groups collaboration Group Facilitation Tips purpose Miki Kashtan
The Value of Taking a Step Back

Keys to Have a “Fight to the Life” Instead of “to the Death” Have you ever gotten a fishing line all tangled up? You got so frustrated you just started yanking on the different loops of line, which of course made the knots and tangles even tighter and more difficult to untangle. Wouldn’t it be great if you could notice the minute you were starting to tangle things up in a discussion with your...
Money, Value, and Our Choices

How much money to pay? And how much money to ask for? The supply and demand logic basically say that we ask for the most that “the market can absorb” and pay “the least that we can get away with.” We can instead, we can engage in experiments that focus on connecting to and satisfying needs. We can also engage with our varying degrees of access to resources within the existing economy and...
Observation, Feelings, Needs, and Requests (OFNR) Communication Components

Observation vs. Evaluation/Judgment Observation is awareness of what we perceive with our senses – sight, sound, touch, taste, smell — and also of our thoughts (images, words, concepts, evaluations). In language, we can describe purely what we are observing (i.e. words we hear, actions we see from our subjective frame of reference) separate from words that evaluate (e.g. liking or disliking,...