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NVC Resources on Values

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Finding Common Ground in Challenging Times

your actions with what matters most to you. David's 4-session course offers you practical, learnable skills that are crucial in today's world—skills like managing your moods, making decisive and values-driven choices, and building stronger relationships through grounded compassion. With a combination of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and somatic techniques, you'll tap into simple life practices...
Knowing Ourselves

people think of you, but what you think of yourself. Who are you, really? Often, we don’t take the time to consider what we value. We think we know, yet our behaviors are often contrary to our values. We long to be heard, so we yell louder. If we thought it through, however, we would see that yelling is not an effective way to be heard. We may get attention, but we are rarely heard or enjoyed....
Getting Beyond Our Self-Defeating Behaviors

Trainer Tip There is no way to peace; peace is the way. —A.J. Muste Have you ever noticed yourself doing something that shakes the serenity of your colleagues, your family, or yourself? We have become so used to conflict that we hardly know how to handle some situations without it. Not long ago, I participated in a committee of Nonviolent Communication trainers. I was starting to tell myself...
Moralistic Judgments

deception men suffer is from their own opinions. — Leonardo da Vinci Moralistic judgments imply that other people are wrong or bad because they don’t act in ways that are in harmony with our values. If you see someone driving faster than you think is safe, you might say that they are a maniac driver. If someone talks slower than is fun for you, you might say that they are boring. You may also do...
Feelings, the Second Component of Compassionate Communication

Trainer Tip Resolve to find thyself; and to know that he who finds himself, loses his misery. —Matthew Arnold Many of us were taught to think and not feel. We may have been taught to consider how others feel, but few of us were taught to check in with ourselves—to notice how we feel about things, such as how we feel when we’re with someone, how we feel when we do something, or what we could do...
Nothing but the Facts

Trainer Tip That is why whenever we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing. —Don Miguel Ruiz Observation free of judgment, evaluation, or a story about why somebody said or did something is critical to creating a connection with others and maintaining a Nonviolent...
Faux Feelings (Judgements) Handouts and Cards

We typically think of certain words as feelings when they can be judgements (eg. “abandoned”). Hidden within evaluative/judgement words are true feelings and needs (eg. if we think we’re abandoned we may feel lonely or hurt, and want togetherness or belonging). With this handout discover more hidden feelings and needs within the judgements that sound like feelings. Then download the card deck...
Serenity is a Choice

even in a catastrophe, or when life is challenging, or when we are scared, hurt, angry, or sad. This happens when we are able to connect to what we value most, and to act in harmony with those values. In Compassionate Communication, many of us hold a deep value to connect with people. When we are open to connecting even if we are triggered, angry, sad, or hurt, we can achieve serenity in that...
Living In Joy

have to do anything. I choose to do some tasks because they meet my needs. By taking the demand out of these tasks and connecting to my needs, I feel more empowered and joyful. Connect to your values or needs when doing daily tasks today. This trainer tip is an excerpt from Mary Mackenzie's book, Peaceful Living, available from PuddleDancer Press. Keywords: joy choice chores errands demand duty...
Spiritual Practice in Troubled Times

When your dedication to something is fueled by a profound intention to benefit all life, you might call it your spiritual practice. The word practice here is very specific. In the context of Mindful Compassionate Dialogue, practice means cultivating the compassion, wisdom, and skills to continuously and subtly notice what truly serves life. This practice doesn't require you to adopt or set...