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NVC Resources with Elia Lowe-Chardé

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Emergency Interventions for Escalating Arguments

Mid-conversation you may find yourself sliding into defending, shutting down, attacking, or blaming. Here's a list of possible emergency interventions that can help slow down escalation and return you to connection. Read this article Keywords: argument intervention deescalate reconnect connecting request reactivity LaShelle Lowe-Chardé Elia Lowe Charde
Honor Your Need to be Heard

When you want to be heard, first check if your listener is available. This honors yourself, and the other person’s choice about listening. You need to be clear about wanting a particular quality of listening, and that you are willing to wait if that isn’t available in the moment. Read on for how to ask for listening in a way that can build trust that your request isn't a demand. Read this...
Responding to Anger

When someone wants to speak angrily about another, do you want to move away, try to calm them, argue, set a boundary, or offer empathy? What supports you to stay self connected? You can set boundaries regarding listening so that you're less likely to defend the other party, or attempt to talk your friend down from their judgments, thereby escalating the situation. Disagreements can also ignite...
Requests in a Moment of Reactivity

Here are 16 helpful requests you can make before you're swept up in your own reactivity. Read this article Keywords: reactivity requests connection requests pause boundaries argument conflict LaShelle Lowe-Chardé Elia Lowe Charde
Standing in Your Truth and Setting Boundaries

Unhook from a reactive dynamic, by staying with your needs and requests, and release attachment to outcome. Start by shifting your attention from the other person to get clear on what's true for you. Read on for strategies to transform reactivity, possible boundary setting behaviors, typical signs of escalation, and more. Read this article Keywords: boundaries reactivity escalation conflict...
Help for Overwhelm

Reducing overwhelm requires you to reconnect with your authentic choice, be present and compassionate with what's happening, heal trauma, and interrupt the trauma response. Read on for ways that may help you reconnect with your choice, presence and more on trauma. Read this article Keywords: stress busy overwhelm authenticity LaShelle Lowe-Chardé Elia Lowe Charde
Equanimity and the Holidays

If you're unpleasantly triggered during the holidays you may find yourself responding in ways you don't like. Start by acknowledging how affected you are to bring in more curiosity, mindfulness and eventually, authentic and discerning choices. Read this article Keywords: reactivity holidays Xmas Christmas stress LaShelle Lowe-Chardé Elia Lowe Charde
Dissolving Reactivity With Your Partner

Most reactivity in intimate relationships comes from a lack of confidence in maintaining intimacy, autonomy, or security. What may help is naming what's happening, interrupting shame, and anchoring or reassuring yourself. You can also reflect on the effects of acting from reactivity. Knowing what helps center you, ask your partner to do or say specific things that might help. Read on for more....
Healing a Repetitive Reactive Dynamic

In healing reactivity try identifying your most common complaints, wishes, or requests. Or when you tend to defend, justify, get angry, or protect. Find the tender needs. You can recall when you experienced deep nourishment of that need. Several times a week nourish your tender needs. Be clear about the strategy to address needs by answering key questions. Read on for more. Read this article...
Helping Another Find Willingess

Is there someone you wish was more willing? Try guessing what obstacles they might be struggling with. And allow yourself to feel your grief. As you grapple with your own desire for someone to find their willingness, its essential to recognize that this is about you and your needs. You can also express your needs honestly, make requests for how to collaborate, and be responsive to what they...