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NVC Resources on Feelings

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Integrating NVC

Access this complete 6 session course Does NVC seem like a good idea, but not practical in the real world? Do you feel frustrated when you find yourself in the same jackal scenario over and over again? This course will guide you toward integrating NVC into all aspects of your life. Provided in 6 parts, this course aims to deepen understanding about the arenas in which NVC operates. Once in a...
From Awareness to Action

Access this complete 6 session course For many people, attempting to connect with others across differences can feel akin to walking through a minefield. Even one's best attempts may inadvertently trigger an unexpected explosion, especially when dealing with situations such as: Striving to understand someone's culture or behavior when it's vastly different from your own; Getting scared whenever...
Mediate Your Life

When you have intrusive thoughts about yourself and feel "crummy," Ike recommends using the Chooser / Educator map as a guide to lead you out of the primitive part of your brain and back to your prefrontal cortex. Both the Chooser and the Educator want to contribute to your well being, but in different ways. This map facilitates having a positive conversation with them. Keywords: feelings...
What Is An Observation In NVC?

There's a growing trend to elevate feelings and personal truths (aka MY truth) to the point of being unassailable "facts". If I feel unsafe, then it must be because of you. As valid as a person’s inner world is, we risk overlooking what's beyond our own views, such as larger forces around us that continue to underwrite exploitation, violence, “othering”, etc. Instead, describe specific words...
Tips for the Road Series Tip 22

Substitute Inner Leader—the term I use below—with whatever term works best for you: Inner Parent; Inner Grandmother; Inner Elder; Compassionate Companion; Highest Self; etc. Spend some time each day (even a few minutes helps, more is better) giving yourself nurturing attention from the position of your Inner Leader. Welcome all the parts of yourself, give them empathy, send them love,...
Empathy And Mindfulness With Inner Conversations Of Fear And Anxiety

I am wondering how you are doing with the impacts of the Coronavirus? How intense is the fear and anxiety for you? Are you scared about protecting and providing for yourself and those you love? As we humans deal with the intensity of this challenge that Nature is bringing to us, it is so easy and natural to be caught in the grip of deep fear and even panic. Our brain and nervous system is built...
Stopping

In Marshall's suggestions for working with anger, his first step is to "Stop and Breathe". I have found it useful to practice this strategy when I'm feeling otherwise than angry. This has contributed to cultivating more awareness of my choices when angry feelings and thoughts become stimulated. This is a simple variation of a technique that is at least 2500 years old, popularized by the Indian...
Empathy Doesn’t Mean Agreement

Trainer Tip It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. —Aristotle Sometimes, people tell me that they can’t empathize with someone because they don’t agree with them. An example could be a teenager who tells her parents that they don’t care about her. Or a friend who tells you that you were late, even though you thought you were right on time....
Clarifying Our Requests to Meet Our Needs

Trainer Tip We know that when people learn to communicate effectively with each other, their lives and their relationships can be truly transformed. —Dr. Thomas Gordon Consider these common complaints: “My husband never listens to me.” “My wife is always talking about her feelings, and then she wants me to talk about my feelings too!” We understand the frustration behind statements like these,...
Tips for the Road Series Tip 3

Some of the decisions I have made that I regret the most are the ones I made in haste, without tuning into my feelings and needs, and without fully considering the feelings and needs of others affected by my decision. Whenever possible, I suggest you slow down when making important decisions and do NVC self-empathy—connect to your feelings and needs (“Let me think about it,” is a handy response...