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NVC Resources on Observation

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How to Handle Being Judged

it's taking you a long time to get moved in," or, "Oh, it's not noon yet! I thought you'd still be in bed." Sometimes these comments are made as "jokes" and other times they are just negative observations. I find myself stewing about being judged in this way. I would like not to, but I just can't find the unmet need being expressed. I'm not sure I want to say anything each time someone makes a...
The Timing of Making A Request

else, or consider something else this person could do to help you meet your need. One of the most important aspects of a request is that it be expressed immediately after you have stated your observation, feeling, and need with regard to a particular situation. Let’s say that you are picking up your wool sweater from the dry cleaner. Your sweater arrived as a size twelve but now it is a size...
Using Therapeutic Communication to Connect with Patients

Often patients need enough emotional space to reduce any inner stuckness in their situation. They need to do this before they can adequately absorb information or effectively take next steps. Empathy can help with this. Empathy requires an intention to connect non-judgmentally. This gets better with practice. Read on for examples of how a situation can play out with, and without, empathy. And...
Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

Trainer Tip When we fear punishment, we focus on consequences, not on our own values. —Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Are you motivated by fear of punishment or negative consequences? Or are you motivated by a true inner desire? Research shows that long-lasting, permanent change comes when people have an intrinsic desire to change. Extrinsic motivation is temporary and often only lasts while one...
Integrating Inner And Outer

This exercise brings forth presence, awareness, and witnessing regarding what you observe. And also the inner form of experiencing: thinking, feeling, sensing, longing, and noticing any inner resistance. This exercise is designed to allow self-compassion to clear the inner space, and to help you feel it as a flow of energy, presence to the other, and bring in a more relaxed experience and more...
Understanding The Obstacle of Limiting Beliefs With Regard To Making Requests

When you attempt to make a request what limiting beliefs come up? See if you recognize any from this list. Then compassionately observe your body sensations, impulses, feelings, needs, memories, energy, and images. In making the request ensure your request is connected to your needs, is doable, what you want, and not attached to them saying yes. Read this article Keywords: request limiting...
How Our Behavior Impacts Our Children

Children interpret and create meaning from everything they observe. They form a narrative about themselves and their place in the world. Roxy Manning shares how the stories of parents contribute to this narrative. Roxy shares a personal story where she, in an attempt to highlight her son's intellectual gifts, unintentionally influenced him to believe he couldn't do things on his own and wasn't...
Tips for the Road Series Tip 2

are particularly helpful when there are difficult situations to work through. Imagine you want to talk to a co-worker about some challenges you have with them. If you simply unload your observations, feelings, needs and action requests on them without cultivating connection, they are much less likely to follow through on your requests because they will not have had a chance to be heard and...
The Cause of Our Feelings

feel the feelings flowing from this connection, I believe that I then can step out of the influence of past, conditioned thinking and into unconditioned present awareness where I can experience observations, feelings, needs, and requests less influenced, or not influenced, by thoughts. In this way I believe thoughts are strategies to meet our needs, but needs themselves are created by and an...
Speaking Classical Giraffe

to consistently communicate compassionately. Stage 3: You develop skills in NVC, and intentionally and deliberately use NVC language with others. Although you "do it right" by expressing your observations, feelings, needs and requests — and also reflect back other people's feelings and needs to them — you find that your efforts are often received as phony or inauthentic by others. Stage 4: You...