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NVC Resources on Observation

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Expressing Appreciation In A Life-Serving Way

to me in ways I can understand, I feel such gratitude. My needs for support, ease, and accomplishment are well met. Thanks for helping me with this today.” Notice that the speaker states an observation— when you give up your Saturday to help me lay the floor and you explain every step to me in ways I can understand; their feelings—I feel such gratitude; and their needs that were met— support,...
Expressing Big Emotions Compassionately

for you to think of anyone else but yourself?” Notice that my focus was on the other person. Today, even in highly charged situations, I use all four components of Compassionate Communication (observation, feeling, need, request). I may say them in a loud voice, but the final result is quite different. It might be: “You know, when I notice that you have been talking about your feelings and needs...
What’s Important to You?

a group member will request a copy of "their needs list" — participants are often delighted with their own creativity. Keywords: empathy exercises/practices expression feelings honesty needs observation Practice Group requests connection inspiration personal growth groups teaching NVC renewal and vitality universal human needs Penny Wassman
Talking About The Past And Effective Relationship Repair

naming what didn’t work, offering empathy, and making a plan to do something differently next time. When you have enough empathy to find care and curiosity for them, reflect the other person's observation, thoughts, feelings, needs and requests. Focus on this more than on details of the event. Read this practice exercise Keywords: repair communication conflict reconcile apology LaShelle...
Making Your Empathy Guesses More Natural

Join Mary Mackenzie as she offers a simple approach incorporating NVC into everyday conversations. Her observation is that sometimes speaking NVC empath guesses of feelings and needs can feel un-natural or robotic. A possible solution is to slightly shift the way a person applies their NVC skills, focusing on the flow of conversation in a modern way. This technique has become known as Street...
Alarm Feelings

Anger, guilt, shame, and shutdown are often based on reactivity and “should” thinking. They narrow and distort perceptions, which can bring more suffering. So instead, feel them without resistance, nor acting on them. Bring clarity by naming your observables and thoughts, plus your underlying vulnerable feelings, needs and self-responsibility. Then mourn what needs were, or are, unmet. Only...
The Difference Between Needs and Requests

Trainer Tip When our needs are not being fulfilled, we follow the expression of what we are observing, feeling, and needing with a specific request: we ask for actions that might fulfill our needs. —Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. In Nonviolent Communication, we see needs as universal. That means that everyone has the same needs for love, support, connection, resources, food, shelter, etc. A...
Empathic Connection and Politics

As I write this, it is just a few days after the U.S. Senate acquitted Donald Trump of impeachment. It is no surprise to me that Trump proclaimed himself completely vindicated and exonerated of any misdeeds. What has been shocking and disturbing to me (just when I thought I could no longer be shocked by him and our current political environment) is the way he has been talking about those who...
Longing For The Company Of Not-Knowers

The last two days I spent on airports, planes and in similar social settings, on my way to co-facilitating a retreat in Virginia, US. And, as I often do in such situations, I spent certain amount of time sitting and observing people, hearing their conversations… And again I had this sense that somehow most of the conversations seem to be about proving to each other how right we are. As if the...
How Anger Can Help or Hinder

We can use anger as an important signal to let us know that we perceive a threat to a universal need or value, directing our attention to something so that we can take effective action, and avoid harmful thought patterns. For example, instead of dwelling on a "should," focus on addressing unmet needs through boundaries and effective communication. Anger is an important signaling system letting...