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NVC Resources on Attention

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The Importance of Anger

Anger matters because it can let you know that you perceive a threat to universal need for yourself or someone else. It can draw your attention to something so that you can take effective action. Anger becomes a hindrance when you amp it up with your thoughts about what should(n't) happen. Instead, notice any "should" thoughts, see anger as a signal, accept that it's okay to have it, and look...
What’s an Anchor and How do You Use It?

An anchor is something you turn your attention toward in order to interrupt reactivity and access a non-reactive, expansive perspective. Though it doesn't make the reactivity go away, it allow you the internal space to choose to not behave from reactivity. In this practice exercise learn more about anchors, plus how to create and use them. Read this practice exercise Keywords: anchor self...
Improving Relationships as a Primary Goal

Trainer Tip I am not easily frightened. Not because I am brave but because I know that I am dealing with human beings, and that I must try as hard as I can to understand everything that anyone ever does. —Etty Hillesum, Holocaust victim Compassionate Communication suggests that improving the quality of our relationships is a primary goal. Indeed, that connection with ourselves and other people...
Using Anger as a Beacon

Trainer Tip Could we all just admit when we’re crabby? —Sark I used to be afraid of my anger because I didn’t know how to express it, and I had an underlying fear that once I opened the lid on it, I would overwhelm myself and the people in my life. Consequently, I rarely allowed myself to examine my anger. I have come to appreciate it because it tells me when something is up. In a sense, it...
Motivation Through Joy

Trainer Tip I can still remember my mother clutching her heart, threatening to have a heart attack and die, and blaming it on me. —Anonymous Can you relate to this quote? I spent much of my life trying to avoid the guilty feelings I had when I didn’t meet other people’s expectations. As a result, I developed resentments toward many people, including myself, and I was filled with rage. Either I...
Confidentiality Agreement

She said, among other things, that she had a need for “legitimacy.” (I am curious to know what need that might translate as.) After about 45 minutes of attempting to focus the participants’ attention on feelings and needs, we (the facilitators) expressed to the group that we did not have the skill to bring this discussion to any conclusion by using the NVC tools. We asked the group to end the...
Self-Empathy

emotions and self-talk are telling you; opening to needs-consciousness; and connecting to the universality of needs). Extending acceptance to all who are involved in the situation (turning your attention to others with an attention of acceptance and considering what their positive intention was in behaving the way they did). Tuning into gratitude to open the possibility for valuing all needs...
Tips for the Road Series Tip 8

miss an opportunity to integrate the hemispheres of the brain and the valuable information from the neural networks in the heart and gut. I encourage you to slow down and give your compassionate attention to the sensations and emotions in your body. With curiosity and acceptance just notice what is going on in your body. Next, make some needs guesses based on the sensations and emotions you find...
How To Deal With Ourselves When We Are Less Than Perfect

said to yourself or what you guessed you said to yourself when you made the “mistake.” Write down as much as you can remember. Mourn (Distinguish between mourning vs. blaming. Mourning is full attention focused on needs. It allows me to learn when I in harmony with my values. Blame ”.) Put full attention on needs What need(s) or value(s) of mine were not met? I want to mourn when I don't act in...
Tips for the Road Series Tip 23

Effects Of Childhood Trauma The Geography Of Sorrow: Francis Weller On Navigating Our Losses What Ails Us: Gabor Maté Challenges The Way We Think About Chronic Illness, Drug Addiction, And Attention-Deficit Disorder Videos Getting the Love You Want, H. Hendrix and H. L. Hunt The Power of Addiction and The Addiction of Power, G. Maté The Divided Brain, I. McGilchrist The Secret to Desire in a...