NVC Resources on Anger
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10 Healthy Ways To Deal With Anger
There appears to be a lot of confusion about anger. Many people believe it is bad to get angry and/or that anger is something to be avoided at all costs. Anger has been viewed by many as a negative. This may be because we confuse unhealthy behavior (the result of what happens when anger is not dealt with in a healthy way) with the emotion. Anger is an emotion and it can be thought of as an...
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Anger’s Two Kinds of Reactivity
There's reactive anger - the sudden outbursts of words, temper or action that create a nervous system response in another. And then there's the anger that's a reaction to someone's anger -- a nervous system startle-response. Instead of either of these, we can learn to heal with empathy, look for unequal power dynamics, take responsibility to make repairs, and shift into the clean, life-serving,...
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Understanding and Transforming Anger
Anger can alert us that a need may be threatened. When anger lives in someone as a well-worn habit, it arises from a place of dissociation from one’s heart and is entangled with misinterpretations, a deep sense of threat, a history of pain, and social conditioning that isn’t life-serving. Read on for how intention, mindfulness, and specific actions can change that habit. Read this article...
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Defusing Anger
Trainer Tip Hatred is a feeling, which leads to the extinction of values. —José Ortega y Gasset Many of us are afraid of our anger because we haven’t learned how to express it in a way that brings relief or that helps us meet our needs in the situation. Consider someone who calls people names in a rage, or hits another person, or walks off slamming the doors behind him. All of these are methods...
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How Anger Can Help or Hinder
We can use anger as an important signal to let us know that we perceive a threat to a universal need or value, directing our attention to something so that we can take effective action, and avoid harmful thought patterns. For example, instead of dwelling on a "should," focus on addressing unmet needs through boundaries and effective communication. Anger is an important signaling system letting...
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Practicing With Anger
Anger is neither good nor bad. When you don't foresee it or you haven't cultivated a relationship to anger, you may behave from it and hurt yourself and others. There are three reasons anger may rise: primitive anger, resistance, and lack of resources. For practicing with these last two types of anger, we'll look at four practices: cultivate awareness, pause and expand, self-care and planning,...
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Expressing Anger Peacefully
In this prerecorded telecourse, Raj Gill uses an interactive dialogue to help you transform old habits and to develop a new, and profoundly healthy response to anger. While cultural norms often teach us to suppress or control anger, Nonviolent Communication suggests that doing so ultimately keeps us from meeting our needs. Raj offers practical insight and proven exercises to use anger as a...
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Looking at Anger from an NVC Perspective
In this vintage 1999 video, Wes Taylor leads a group of young people in a lively discussion on working with anger. He clarifies that anger is a valid feeling that is a product of "jackal" thinking and points out that anger is never the primary emotion; there is always a more vulnerable feeling underneath anger. When feeling angry, Wes suggests that you ask yourself two simple questions: 1. Is...
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Parenting and Anger
Access this complete 5 session course Combine mediating conflict, parenting skills and study of brain science in this ground-breaking course recording on how to funnel your anger and your child’s anger toward mutual caring and peace in your family. If you ’are tired of exploding, stuffing your anger, or living in endless hopelessness, take this course to learn practical tips for using anger to...
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Using Anger to Serve Life
Trainer Tip All rising to a great place is by a winding stair. —Francis Bacon Sometimes we need to empathize with a person before he can hear our anger. Consider that all anger is an expression of an unmet need. If we focus on the need, rather than the actions, we are more likely to connect compassionately with other people. For instance, if your son shaves your cat, what do you suppose his...
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