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NVC Resources on Conflict

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Creating More Efficient Meetings

Trainer Tip The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials. —Lin Yutang I often hear people express their discontent with meetings. They say meetings are long and unproductive. In my experience, meetings are unproductive when the participants aren’t clear about their needs or what they want from the group. If five people hold a meeting and they all express an opinion without...
Striving for Win-Win Resolutions

Trainer Tip In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. —Albert Einstein In Nonviolent Communication, we strive for win-win resolutions. That means that no one loses. We don’t decide things by the majority, because that would mean that the minority loses. Compromise is similar. In fact, in a compromise both people could feel dissatisfied with the resolution because it usually involves an...
Searching Together For A Way Forward

Trainer Tip In the middle of the road of my life I awoke in a dark wood where the true way was wholly lost. ~Dante Have you had times in your life when things seemed dire and impossible to resolve, where every direction you could imagine had consequences you deeply didn’t want? The mind goes round and round searching for an answer. You try different things, but nothing brings relief or...
Empathic Connection and Politics

As I write this, it is just a few days after the U.S. Senate acquitted Donald Trump of impeachment. It is no surprise to me that Trump proclaimed himself completely vindicated and exonerated of any misdeeds. What has been shocking and disturbing to me (just when I thought I could no longer be shocked by him and our current political environment) is the way he has been talking about those who...
Living Peacefully

Trainer Tip People who fight with fire usually end up with ashes. —Abigail Van Buren As scary as it can be sometimes, put down your fists. Stop fighting. Give up your urge to be right and to win. Instead, approach any charged situations you find yourself in with a sincere desire to be honest, to value everyone’s needs, and to meet your own need for fairness. When we match might with might, we...
Parenting With A Focus On The Long-Term Goal

Trainer Tip I particularly hope to address parents’ yearning for deeper connection with themselves, their partners, and their children, and their desire to contribute, through parenting, to fostering peace in the world. —Inbal Kashtan Parents are often tempted to wield their enormous physical, emotional, and intellectual power in order to coerce their children into doing what they want. This...
Communicating With People Who Don’t Share Our Values

Trainer Tip Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace. —Amelia Earhart Nonviolent Communication works with everyone, even people who aren’t familiar with the process or don’t share our values for connection and compassion. In fact, compassion automatically blossoms when we stay true to the principles of Nonviolent Communication. We don’t try to convince anyone to do it our way or...
Focusing On What You Want

Trainer Tip If you fear something, you set yourself up to experience it again and again. As Job said, “What I have feared has come upon me.” —Gloria Karpinski Nonviolent Communication teaches us that it is more productive and satisfying to focus on what we want than on what we don’t have or don’t like. For example, say your partner spanked your five-year-old child, and you feel strongly that...
Finding Your Way from Judgment to Discernment

You aspire to live a life of integrity. You feel confident about a set of ethical standards to which you adhere. At the same time, you notice yourself get angry and judgmental when others don't follow your principles. It's confusing because you don't want to judge others, yet there has to be some moral standard, doesn't there?! From the framework of Mindful Compassionate Dialogue, we can...
Expressing Big Emotions Compassionately

Trainer Tip Until he extends his circle of compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace. —Albert Schweitzer Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we become extremely frustrated, angry, or exasperated. It happens to all of us from time to time. The difference for me now is that I express my intense feelings by owning them. This is called screaming in giraffe. In the...