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NVC Resources on Happiness

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Living Our Values

Trainer Tip We live in a vastly complex society which has been able to provide us with a multitude of material things, and this is good, but people are beginning to suspect that we have paid a high spiritual price for our plenty. —Euell Gibbons Sometimes I wish everyone else would just make it easy for me to live my values. If other people would just do their part, I wouldn’t have to work so...
When Someone Doesn’t Appreciate Our Honesty

Trainer Tip Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom. —Thomas Jefferson Not everyone will receive your honesty with joy. If they seem unhappy, this is an indication that they have unmet needs, not that you have made them unhappy. Remember that feelings are a result of met or unmet needs; a situation is only the stimulus of feelings, not the cause. When someone doesn’t appreciate your...
Self-Empathy

Trainer Tip When you really listen to yourself, you can heal yourself. —Ceanna DeRohan It is true that we cannot fully understand other people until we understand ourselves. I tried to escape this for years. I told people that I was a caring and loving person. But deep down, I struggled to feel compassion. I was consumed with anger, resentment, and an overriding belief that I was never going to...
Tips for the Road Series Tip 11

When we take a leap in life and put our hearts out into the world in new or bigger ways—sharing a song, dance, or poem, writing a book, competing at a sporting event, giving a speech, and so on—there is greater potential for aliveness but also for shame and pain. It is thrilling to follow our dreams and share our authenticity, creativity, and inspiration. But it is also risky because the parts...
Getting Our Need for Love Met

Trainer Tip Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third. —Marge Piercy “I just want you to love me.” How many of us have either heard this or said it to someone else? How would it look if your need for love was met? Would someone say the words, “I love you”? Would they buy you flowers weekly, or spend time listening to you talk about your day, or is it a combination...
Letting People Support Us

Trainer Tip "No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy" —Thomas Fuller, M.D. Some time ago I was in a serious car accident. I spent three nights in the Intensive Care Unit. When I got out of the hospital, I needed someone to stay with me for a few weeks because my brain wasn’t working properly and I couldn’t be trusted to make sound decisions. Through...
Life is a Cabaret!

Trainer Tip The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them. —Albert Einstein Don’t do anything that isn’t play. Learn to make clear choices, and only do those things that bring you satisfaction. Sound impossible? The best way I have found to bring joy into my life is to connect to the reasons I do things. It may seem hard to imagine much...
Self-Empathy for Self-Evolution

Access this complete 6 session course Support for you in learning about: Becoming “Trigger Happy” (Happy for the healing and evolution empathy creates when we are triggered) Using Empathy to create the inner connection, from which flows the outer direction of your life Empathy beyond the empty, lacking, absence of unmet needs and into the powerful, passionate, presence of the desire! Empathy...
Stimulus vs. Cause

Trainer Tip People are disturbed not by things, but by the view they take of them. — Epictetus Feelings are a result of met or unmet needs, not the actions of other people. Hard to believe? Consider what can happen when a dear friend punches you in the arm as a greeting. You might be happy to see him and you enjoy the punch in the arm because your needs include fun, friendship, and connection....
Parenting for Connection

When I was a boy I received a King Kong action figure for my birthday. At that time I really liked King Kong and this gift was very special. While playing with my toy I soon found out that my little brother (around 3 years old) was afraid of my King Kong doll. So like a good big brother I ran around the house scaring him by showing him the doll and by roaring like King Kong. My brother, of...