Browse by Topic

NVC Resources on Happiness

Search Terms:

Advanced Search

Select Media Type, Click Search

The Importance of Making Requests

Trainer Tip What would make you happy? It’s a simple question, but one with profound consequences. Asking and answering that question, then acting on it, is often our path—a path that will lead to the next step, a path that is in our best interest. —Melody Beattie Have you ever waited in a restaurant for a friend who finally shows up a half hour later than you agreed? When she walks in, you may...
Heaven And Hell

Years ago I trained in Aikido. Aikido is a martial art that is not based on kicking someone’s butt. Rather it is based on the ability to neutralize an attack in a way that preserves the integrity of both parties. The parallels between Aikido and Marshall Rosenberg’s process Nonviolent Communication (NVC) are rich, deep, and varied. The following is a traditional Japanese story about Heaven and...
Breaking Free of "If Only You Were Different, They Would Change"

Because we affect one another it can be hard to know where to take responsibility and where to leave it with the other person. This means we need self empathy, and presence for another's struggles without compulsion to "make them happy" or bring them healthy change. You can then attend to the needs and to your choice about if and how you want to contribute with compassion. Respect them as...
Living In Joy

Trainer Tip To be successful, the first thing to do is fall in love with your work. —Sister Mary Lauretta We all have daily activities that don’t seem fun. Mine are cooking, lighting a fire, and cleaning the cat box. For years I grumbled about these things and I could find no joy in them at all, until I started to connect to the needs I was trying to meet with each activity. Each morning for...
The Murky Waters of Asymmetric Relationships

Lately there has been, in our global trainers’ community, a conversation about how to deal with instances of trainers having sex with participants, at the trainings or immediately after. And many questions started to be presented into the field, some of them made me shook my head in puzzlement. One of the most typical questions I hear is: “Why singling out sex as something dirty, wrong, almost...
Find Agency With “Falling Out of Love”

Falling out of love is a myth that can create a sense of helplessness and hopelessness. It attributes disconnect to some vague force that descends upon your relationship. With key questions and the willingness to find clarity, you can access agency in the midst of “falling out love.” The initial experience of "falling in love" involves a short and intense period of time in which you both...
Deal-Breakers and Staying with Yourself

When navigating any relationship, you might find yourself asking if it is okay to have particular boundaries, to decide that particular behavior is a deal-breaker, or to make certain requests. You ask, “Should I expect this need to be met? Or, “Am I supposed to be okay with this behavior?” Unfortunately the state of mind that asks questions like these is not the state of mind that can answer...
How to Ask for Space

Do you ever wish you could get a little more breathing room in an intimate relationship? From your perspective, they move in so close that you wish you had a snorkel so you could get a little air. The other person, on the other hand, is feeling hurt wanting more intimacy and is receiving your request for space as a form of rejection or lack of caring. You notice this conflict repeating itself...