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NVC Resources on Judgment

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Change Your Thoughts to Change Your World

Trainer Tip "All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world." —Buddha If you want to live more compassionately, begin to notice the thoughts you have about yourself or other people. If you find yourself judging or criticizing, work on shifting your attitude. Several years ago, I became aware of my judgmental thoughts about others and made a commitment to shift...
10 Healthy Ways To Deal With Anger

There appears to be a lot of confusion about anger. Many people believe it is bad to get angry and/or that anger is something to be avoided at all costs. Anger has been viewed by many as a negative. This may be because we confuse unhealthy behavior (the result of what happens when anger is not dealt with in a healthy way) with the emotion. Anger is an emotion and it can be thought of as an...
Compassionate Parenting Starts With Self-Acceptance

Without self-acceptance any attempt at growth and transformation, even while parenting, can easily become a path to self-judgments and another yardstick against which to measure ourselves as falling short. Instead, we can practice 1 minute a day or more, or while doing other tasks, to develop the self-compassion and self-acceptance needed to grow both new habits and our capacity to meet our...
Nothing but the Facts

Trainer Tip That is why whenever we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing. —Don Miguel Ruiz Observation free of judgment, evaluation, or a story about why somebody said or did something is critical to creating a connection with others and maintaining a Nonviolent...
Naturalizing NVC Language

Access this complete 7 session course Learn to speak NVC using your own voice and increase ease and flow in all your personal and professional conversations. This 7-session telecourse recording with renowned trainer Miki Kashtan is designed to help you integrate NVC into all aspects of your life by gaining fluency in your practice of NVC and by embodying the principles regardless of the words...
Self-Righteous Anger

Trainer Tip Hating people is like burning down your house to get rid of a rat. —Harry Emerson Fosdick Have you ever noticed that some of your behaviors ensure that your needs for peace and relief won’t be met? Take judgments for instance. The more we have, the less peaceful and happy we feel. The same is true for resentment and anger. Don’t you just feel awful when you are filled with them? How...
Observation, Feelings, Needs, and Requests (OFNR) Communication Components

Observation vs. Evaluation/Judgment Observation is awareness of what we perceive with our senses – sight, sound, touch, taste, smell — and also of our thoughts (images, words, concepts, evaluations). In language, we can describe purely what we are observing (i.e. words we hear, actions we see from our subjective frame of reference) separate from words that evaluate (e.g. liking or disliking,...
Judging and Feeling Judged

In this short but potent audio, expert CNVC Certified Trainer Miki Kashtan demonstrates the eye-opening experience of translating our judgments into needs. She uses this process in working with a mother who is stuck in a loop of feeling judged by family members and judging them back. It is powerful to hear Miki guide this mother toward looking at each judgment until she can reveal the true...
Keeping Ourselves Open

Trainer Tip Friend, there’s a window that opens from heart to heart And there are ways of closing it . . . —Rumi One of the swiftest ways to close the heart is critical or judgmental thinking. How open are you when you are judging another person? The goal in peaceful living is to approach our relationships with an open heart. Years ago, I asked another trainer of Nonviolent Communication to...
Practicing Unconditional Self-Acceptance When I Want Change

In moments where we would like to see change, personal growth or spiritual transformation, rather than immediately acting to make a change, Robert suggests we practice unconditional self-acceptance through a spacious presence to our inner experience. Robert asks us to give our attention and spacious awareness to our own judgments, inner contractions, and other experiences we often regard as...