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NVC Resources on Judgment

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Don't Take It Personally

As our awareness grows, so does the image of the web, for we are the universe becoming conscious of itself. With sensibilities evolved through millennia of interaction, we can turn now and know that web as our home. It both cradles us and calls us to weave it further. —Joanna Macy You’ve heard it many times. “Don’t take it personally” .. a modern day aphorism commonly espoused in personal and...
Anatomy of a Trigger

We all create meaning about what happens in our lives that is based on our past experiences and trauma. For most of us, we do this so quickly that we don’t even notice that we’re doing it! When we create meaning about something internally, we become convinced that the other person (or ourselves sometimes) has done something wrong, and we proceed to judge them (or ourselves) for it. The alarming...
How To Listen and Find Aliveness in Containment

Physical distancing is opportunity to creatively to meet your needs in new ways. In this containment, with very few cues from others and the environment you now have a rare opportunity with less external distraction to rethink what's truly supportive -- and make significant changes to the less noticable habits of mind, standards and "should's". Applying questions and noticing certain symptoms...
Evaluating Ourselves with Compassion

Trainer Tip "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there." —Rumi Do you engage in negative self-talk? This can be a message you give yourself, such as “Well, that was stupid.” Or “I know better and I did it anyway!” Or “I am so fat.” Every time you criticize yourself, you cause yourself to feel shame and guilt, which promotes depression and...
I Want To Connect More Than I Want To Be Right

Trainer Tip There is a place where words are born of silence, A place where the whispers of the heart arise. —Rumi What do you value most? I value connection more than anything. If I connect with people, all of us have a better chance of getting our needs met. The alternative is to try to win or be right. I used to do this with a vengeance. Years ago, I was working with a woman who was learning...
Serenity As A Consciousness

Trainer Tip I am at peace with the community of life. —Louise L. Hay Serenity doesn’t mean that everything in our lives is smooth. It means that no matter what is happening, we have faith in a higher purpose. Serenity is a choice. I used to experience emotional highs and lows. Then one day, a friend said to me: “You know, I don’t get it. You say that you have a full spiritual life, yet you hit...
Enjoying The Process

Trainer Tip I have come to the conclusion, after many years of sometimes-sad experience, that you cannot come to any conclusion at all. —Vita Sackville-West In Compassionate Communication we strive to stop judging situations and people. Instead, we look at how we feel and whether our needs are met For example, if our partnership does not meet our need for intimacy, we talk with our partner...
Protective Vs. Punitive Use Of Force

Trainer Tip When we submit to doing something solely for the purpose of avoiding punishment, our attention is distracted from the value of the action itself . . . If a worker’s performance is promoted by fear of punishment, the job gets done, but morale suffers; sooner or later, productivity will decrease. —Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Our society spends a great deal of time punishing people...
Focusing On What You Want

Trainer Tip If you fear something, you set yourself up to experience it again and again. As Job said, “What I have feared has come upon me.” —Gloria Karpinski Nonviolent Communication teaches us that it is more productive and satisfying to focus on what we want than on what we don’t have or don’t like. For example, say your partner spanked your five-year-old child, and you feel strongly that...
Spiritual Practice in Troubled Times

When your dedication to something is fueled by a profound intention to benefit all life, you might call it your spiritual practice. The word practice here is very specific. In the context of Mindful Compassionate Dialogue, practice means cultivating the compassion, wisdom, and skills to continuously and subtly notice what truly serves life. This practice doesn't require you to adopt or set...