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NVC Resources on Shame

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Owning Your Own Experience

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond. —Rumi (The Essential Rumi, versions by Coleman...
Developing Discernment

how you might talk to yourself with this choice. Consider what needs may be met with this choice. Consider what needs may be unmet with this choice. 2. Judgmental (Jackal) Ears In Voice of Guilt, Shame and Depression Blame or criticize yourself "It's my fault.""I am __________." "I should ______." Write how you might talk to yourself with this choice. Consider what needs may be met with this...
The Sweetest Game in Town

The joy of contributing becomes the action's inherent reward; it's a great pleasure to see how our actions contribute to others. This deep sense of pleasure is lost when we act out of guilt, shame, obligation, fear of consequences or desire for reward. Alfie Kohn wrote a book that I found quite helpful on this topic, called Punished by Rewards. If you are interested in more insight into this...
The Empathy Factor in Workplaces Where People Thrive

Developing meaningful collaboration that really works Generating increased organizational or team effectiveness Harvesting conflict into productivity Healing workplace anger, guilt, fear and shame Experiencing more joy and meaning through your work Learning the ten Key Principles to needs-based workplaces that thrive Profiting with people, not from people Creating “power-with” leadership -...
Key Assumptions and Intentions of NVC

for our actions: We aim to recognize our choice in each moment, and take actions that we believe will most likely meet our needs. We aim to avoid taking actions motivated by fear, guilt, shame, desire for reward, or ideas of duty or obligation. Living in peace with unmet needs: We aim to work with our feelings when we experience our needs as unmet, connecting with the needs rather than insisting...
Teaching People to Love Us in Ways We Enjoy

her buy my underwear, but then I saw the sheer joy in her face. We are a gift to the people who love us. Sometimes we need to help them find ways to express their love to us. It would be such a shame if we didn’t give them opportunities to meet their need to contribute to our life! Be aware today of people who are trying to express their love to you, and help them do this in ways that bring...
Forgiving Ourselves

Trainer Tip I have never seen a person grow or change in a constructive direction when motivated by guilt, shame, and/or hate. —William Goldberg Every single time you say or do something, you are trying to meet a need. Here’s an example. You’re on the phone with a friend who has called you at breakfast time, and your cereal is getting mushier by the second. With impatience in your voice, you...
Can We Un-Skew Resource Distribution?

have 1.)a different sense of what's considered "enough" 2.) different capacities to find creative strategies that work within the given limitations, and 3.)different levels of self-doubt, shame and capacity to put their concerns and needs on the table. Can we collectively create conditions that support people to stretch productively so that included in the outcome are the needs, perspectives,...
What is Nonviolent Communication?

to resentment or lowered self-esteem. Nonviolent Communication assumes that enriching life is the most satisfying motivation for doing things, rather than being motivated by fear, guilt, blame, or shame. It emphasizes taking personal responsibility for choices and improving the quality of relationships as a primary goal. It is effective even when other people involved are not familiar with the...
Nonviolence In The Face of Rape or Assault

This is an excerpt from "Accountability, Love, Shame, and Working for Transformation: Acceptance Does Not Mean Inaction": Walter Wink, in The Powers That Be, recounts the story of a woman who wakes up in the middle of the night with a man in her room, clearly about to assault her. As someone trained in nonviolence, the woman was able to follow her own thoughts and landed on the realization that...