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NVC Resources on Values

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How To Stop Arguing

Transform arguments with these steps: take responsibility for your mind, increase your capacity for discomfort, slow down, show up and remember your values, offer understanding, take risks, and speak from your heart. Learning new skills takes time, energy and effort. However, it’s entirely possible to radically shift the way we communicate. The key is patience, persistence, and taking it one...
Exercise In Self Compassion

With this exercise you'll choose an experience you had with someone where your needs were not met. You'll work with the related feelings, judgements, values, and feeling the fullness of the need even though it was not met, plus any sadness that may arise. Read this practice exercise Keywords: self compassion disappointment mourning unmet needs loss Robert Gonzalez
Complex Truth-Telling And Empowered Change

is used to sidestep real-world challenges and unrest, whether internal or external, and when we advocate the use of positive thinking to mask injustice and genuine challenges, we sidestep our own values and integrity, too. Keywords: suppression bypass avoidance coping denial stress depression positive thinking resonance nonviolence acceptance Sarah Peyton
How to Handle Being Judged

Answer Dear C.S., What are the needs behind the following two quotes? "Boy, it's taking you a long time to get moved in." Does the person value efficiency and order and wish you shared those values? Or, would the person like to connect with you and is your move taking time away from what he/she would like to be doing with you? "Oh, it's not noon yet! I thought you'd still be in bed." Do you...
Second Chances

I don't reach the level of compassion and connection I hope for in every interaction in my life. I don't put a demand on myself to find compassion and connection in every moment. Life is full of second chances. I only need the willingness to take them. When I have taken time to receive empathy and connect to the needs of all involved before trying again, people almost always enjoy my second...
The Unconscious Mind Compared to the Conscious Mind

Ask the Trainer Dear Trainer, I have the understanding that the unconscious is vast compared to the conscious mind. When I state "needs," how well can I depend on there being something beneath my awareness that is actually the motivation? Can I trust that when I or others I'm empathizing with state our "needs" there is not some unknown unconscious need operating? —D.N., Indiana, USA Trainer...
Tips for the Road Series Tip 13

This Tip for the Road is my answer to the question: What are the most powerful things I can do to build an inspired relationship? I answered the question with romantic relationships in mind; however, I believe the answer below applies to all important relationships. No. 8. Follow Your Dreams and Find Your Purpose Keep doing what you love. Keep inspiring yourself. Keep living into your deepest...
Living Peacefully

Trainer Tip People who fight with fire usually end up with ashes. —Abigail Van Buren As scary as it can be sometimes, put down your fists. Stop fighting. Give up your urge to be right and to win. Instead, approach any charged situations you find yourself in with a sincere desire to be honest, to value everyone’s needs, and to meet your own need for fairness. When we match might with might, we...
A Focus on Needs

Trainer Tip "Judgments, criticisms, diagnoses, and interpretations of others are all alienated expressions of our needs. If someone says, 'You never understand me', they are really telling us that their need to be understood is not being fulfilled." —Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Imagine that your wife comes home from work and you ask her to go dancing and she says, “Oh no, not tonight, honey....
The Journey To Living Through Needs, Compassionately And Assertively

Awareness of how we're holding our own and others' needs is important to our development. In learning to value needs, we often go through three stages: passive, aggressive/obnoxious, and assertive/mutual. As we learn and grow, we may relate to the following differently: Whose feelings and needs are important, who is responsible for what, how our choices impact others, and consideration for...