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NVC Resources with Elia Lowe-Chardé

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Practice Relationship Repair - Turning Connection into Clear Agreements

When you have found mutual care and connection regarding each other’s feelings and needs, you can begin brainstorming and negotiating requests to help care for needs in a future similar situation. You know you are ready for this step when you experience a sense of mutual care and respect, and have hope regarding a new way forward. Here are some important things to remember about committing to...
Sexual Expression

In Mindful Compassionate Dialogue, discerning the difference between a universal need and a strategy to meet that need can mean the difference between staying stuck or getting unstuck in a conflict. Let's look at a simple example. If you believe your need for peace is the same as time alone, you can only meet your need for peace if you get alone time. Getting regular alone time is a popular...
How to Ask for Space

Do you ever wish you could get a little more breathing room in an intimate relationship? From your perspective, they move in so close that you wish you had a snorkel so you could get a little air. The other person, on the other hand, is feeling hurt wanting more intimacy and is receiving your request for space as a form of rejection or lack of caring. You notice this conflict repeating itself...
Finding Your Way from Judgment to Discernment

You aspire to live a life of integrity. You feel confident about a set of ethical standards to which you adhere. At the same time, you notice yourself get angry and judgmental when others don't follow your principles. It's confusing because you don't want to judge others, yet there has to be some moral standard, doesn't there?! From the framework of Mindful Compassionate Dialogue, we can...
Deal-Breakers and Staying with Yourself

When navigating any relationship, you might find yourself asking if it is okay to have particular boundaries, to decide that particular behavior is a deal-breaker, or to make certain requests. You ask, “Should I expect this need to be met? Or, “Am I supposed to be okay with this behavior?” Unfortunately the state of mind that asks questions like these is not the state of mind that can answer...
What’s an Anchor and How do You Use It?

An anchor is something you turn your attention toward in order to interrupt reactivity and access a non-reactive, expansive perspective. Though it doesn't make the reactivity go away, it allow you the internal space to choose to not behave from reactivity. In this practice exercise learn more about anchors, plus how to create and use them. Read this practice exercise Keywords: anchor self...
Identify 12 Essential Aspects of Empathy

Each MCD Relationship Competency identifies six Skills, along with specific practices for learning each. (For more context about MCD Relationship Competency 2: Empathy, see Skill #1: Identify the differences between empathy and other responses to difficulty, Skill #2: Identify what prevents you from offering empathy, and Skill #3: Use a diverse vocabulary of feelings and needs.) Empathy is a...
Find Agency With “Falling Out of Love”

Falling out of love is a myth that can create a sense of helplessness and hopelessness. It attributes disconnect to some vague force that descends upon your relationship. With key questions and the willingness to find clarity, you can access agency in the midst of “falling out love.” The initial experience of "falling in love" involves a short and intense period of time in which you both...
How Anger Can Help or Hinder

We can use anger as an important signal to let us know that we perceive a threat to a universal need or value, directing our attention to something so that we can take effective action, and avoid harmful thought patterns. For example, instead of dwelling on a "should," focus on addressing unmet needs through boundaries and effective communication. Anger is an important signaling system letting...
Hearing Challenging Comments and Stretching into Love

When feeling unworthy, powerless, or afraid, we can hear others' comments as criticism, rejection, demands, limits, or attacks. Practice self-compassion, release attachments, and ask “How can I stretch the boundaries of who I believe myself to be, in service of love?”. Try replacing love with a word that inspires you (e.g. freedom, thriving, etc). Note answers that arise later. Or explore the...