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NVC Resources with Elia Lowe-Chardé

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Tools for Mindfulness of Impact in Dialogue

If you want a better connection it's crucial to be mindful about how your communication affects your partner. This means noticing and keeping eye contact, observing body language, and checking for their reactions. You can also share in small increments, check in before sharing vulnerable thoughts, and express what you notice. Give yourself empathy when you notice that you want to be right more...
Spiritual Practice in Troubled Times

When your dedication to something is fueled by a profound intention to benefit all life, you might call it your spiritual practice. The word practice here is very specific. In the context of Mindful Compassionate Dialogue, practice means cultivating the compassion, wisdom, and skills to continuously and subtly notice what truly serves life. This practice doesn't require you to adopt or set...
Shifting The "Power Over" Pattern At Home

You may want to shift power dynamics, intimate and family relationships -- especially if there's longstanding, unprocessed hurts. Reflect on where, when and with whom you tend to enter reactive “power over” patterns. Explore the feelings and needs that are up for you in those contexts. Imagine other ways that could meet your needs in or before those moments. In this way, in similar situations...
Loving Someone For Who They Are And Still Making Requests

If someone asks you to love them as is, try wondering what contributes to their need for acceptance. Loving someone and empathizing with them, doesn't mean you can't make requests for change. Recall that your requests are about your needs, not about them. Understand that requests may not be met due to lack of resources or skills, even if the desire is there. Clarify how important the request is...
Practicing With Anger

Anger is neither good nor bad. When you don't foresee it or you haven't cultivated a relationship to anger, you may behave from it and hurt yourself and others. There are three reasons anger may rise: primitive anger, resistance, and lack of resources. For practicing with these last two types of anger, we'll look at four practices: cultivate awareness, pause and expand, self-care and planning,...
Replacing Blame With Compassion For Impact

Blame is a misguided habit used to avoid pain and suffering, offering only a momentary distraction and oversimplifies complex histories. It also disconnects us from choice and agency, blocks us from discovering more about ourselves and others, and can keep us from having compassionate, self responsible conversations. Instead, we can practice speaking in terms of impact and notice our experience...
See Old Relationship Dynamics In Intimate Relationships

Learn how unconscious impulses can lead to life-depleting patterns. Here, we look at two forms of reactive attempts we may use to avoid future pain, and how to make conscious decisions instead. Read on for questions that can help us see if we're making decisions from a grounded place, such as taking time to reflect on values, receive support from others, and getting curious about others' views....
How To Ask For Honesty

Inviting someone to be honest about their feelings can be difficult. It's important to remember that the lack of authenticity is often due to lack of awareness, inner conflict, or fear of conflict, rather than dishonesty. Offer empathy and reassurance and invite more conversation. Approach with compassion and curiosity to naturally invite more honesty. Read this practice exercise Keywords:...
From Obligation To Giving from the Heart

You value generosity and you often give easily from the heart. There are those times, however, when you get snagged by a sense of obligation. You feel tense and resentful. You don't want to continue with this attitude, but how can you reconnect with the desire to give from the heart? Let’s touch on three essential elements that support giving from the heart: choice, mourning, and acceptance....
Taking Care Of Yourself When Visiting Family

Before entering a family gathering, set your intention to notice reactivity and make a plan for self-care when it comes up. It might also be helpful to imagine repetitive interactions and plan how you will respond; for example with a boundary, honest expression, empathy, or by taking a time-out for self-care. Remember your core values, intention, and how you are committed to showing up in the...