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NVC Resources with Elia Lowe-Chardé

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Understanding Judgement And Criticism

Judging or criticizing others indicates pain, unmet needs and a coping strategy. It distracts you from yourself and can give you the illusion of control. You may think you see more than they do, imagining criticism will bring change. But even a correct analysis won’t inspire change if they hear criticism. Instead, the moment you notice judgments or criticism turn towards yourself with...
Six Ways That Support You Being Heard

When you don't have a sense of being heard you can apply skills to help you can interrupt cycles of reactivity and resentment, and create connection. Let's look at six ways that will support you in being heard. These are clarity about the topic and needs; supportive conditions; respect for autonomy; sharing your intention; attending to emotional security; and making clear requests. Read this...
Understanding The Difference Between Life-Serving Boundaries And Threats

When someone's behavior costs us, we may attempt to negotiate as much as possible. After some rounds of this, if there's no change we may reach a tolerance limit. Thus we may set a boundary for self care and clarity about what's not workable. However, depending on intentions and the way its said, this may or may not be a punishment to get even. Here, clarity about intentions, feelings, needs,...
Keys To Building Trust After Broken Agreements

Building trust involves each person taking responsibility for what they want by identifying their needs, and making specific and doable requests that open a negotiation. Identify in what contexts you already have trust, what you want to be able to trust, and how you may be blocking or cultivating that trust. Making requests for specific actions of what to do differently can also help. Read this...
Wishing For More Maturity & Skill In Others

In some situations you might expect people to show a degree of maturity or skill. When they don't, your anger-fueled response doesn't lead to lasting improved relationship change. Instead, find someone who retains focus on your feelings and needs rather than colluding with you about what should(n't) be. This can support greater acceptance, grief, vulnerability, groundedness and discernment,...
How to Balance Differentiation and Bonding

Thriving relationships have both differentiation and bonding. When that happens, you can authentically express differences and unmet needs, and responsibly do your own thing without it being a threat to the bond with another. You honor each others choices. There's trust rather than a sense of resentful obligation, needs-based negotiation is easier. Notice signs of not enough differentiation or...
Responding To "Power Over" Interactions

Based on your observations of "power with" interactions choose a specific, do-able to practice so that you're prepared the next time you're in a power under/power over dynamic. Keep the practice simple to do in a difficult moment. Then reflect: identify what you did (internally or externally) or said that (de)escalated the dynamic. This practice requires noticing what went well, self...
Four Choices For Responding To Indirect Criticism Or Judgement

However indirectly expressed, any judgement or criticism is about the person's own thoughts, feelings, needs, and requests.This awareness can help you take people's comments less personally, and give you options: silent self-empathy, standing in your truth, contact and curiosity, and honest expression Read this article Keywords: criticism judgement practice passive aggression conflict LaShelle...
How To Stay Grounded In A Reactive Moment

To shift reactivity by moving yourself from the position of experiencer to observer, name what’s happening. This can help you access other skills for managing reactivity. Also, create a strong emotional anchor. Read this article Keywords: reactivity anchoring centering practice self inquiry LaShelle Lowe-Charde Elia Lowe Charde
Contemplative Practice For Spiritual Insight

A structured and clear contemplative practice can start with calming the body, heart, and mind for 20 minutes. Next, it contains at least three key elements: body awareness, clarifying what you already know, and consistent sustained attention. Celebrate and note insights, or any expanded perspective that pops into your awareness. Set an intention to notice these things in daily life and to...