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NVC Resources with Elia Lowe-Chardé

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Understanding How Shame Hinders Clear Requests

It may be challenging to hear or make requests when you feel shame regarding anyone's feelings and needs. Without support, shame could be debilitating, so you may feel resistant and become defensive, hear threat, or criticize others. Instead, be with people who allow space for vulnerability. Find ways to celebrate, negotiate, be mindful, accepting, and creative. Read this article Keywords:...
Offering Presence For Repetitive Fears

Three things can be helpful to practice when you want to contribute to someone caught in repetitive fears: self empathy, allowing grief for what you wish was true and is not, and empathy for their difficulty. You can also ask them what's helpful. Read this article Keywords: fear anxiety presence worry supporting others reassurance LaShelle Lowe-Charde Elia Lowe Charde
A Process For Changing Habits

Let's take a look at life-serving possibilities for changing a habit: contemplation of the benefits and costs of the habit, changing the conditions in your life to support the new habit, and taking support away from the old habit. Read on for more. Read this article Keywords: habit resolution self control discipline willpower practice LaShelle Lowe-Charde Elia Lowe Charde
Being Yourself And Asking For What You Want

Let's look at the resources, awareness, and skills needed to ask for emotional attunement, celebration, relatedness, perspective, understanding, advice, and information. This includes expressing appreciation for what's supporting your needs, strengthening a sense of worthiness, and awareness of your reactivity and intention. Plus, making requests that are clear, specific, doable and creates a...
What Does It Mean To Be Heard Deeply And How Can You Ask For It?

There are five aspects helpful to consider when creating conditions and atmosphere where you can be heard deeply and hear others deeply: context, self-connection, autonomy, security, and specific requests. Read on for more, and reflect on moments when you have been heard deeply and name everything that contributed to that experience. Read this article Keywords: being heard request dialogue...
How To Distinguish True Caring From Being Charmed

The attention you enjoy may not be motivated by true caring for you. There are three key questions that can help you discern whether you are receiving care or charm: How does caring show up under duress? How are differences treated? How consistent is the ability to consider the impact of their behavior on others? Be mindful of your judgments and notice any patterns. Read on for more. Read this...
What To Do When They Never Want to Talk About It

When someone doesn't want to talk some options include releasing your attachment to the strategy you want, asking about and affirming with empathy their reasons for not talking, looking for what support could be helpful to shift to more openness, letting go, and grieving. Read on for more on this, including possible reasons for why they might not want to engage on it. Read this article...
To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate - How to Connect With What Matters

To help you stay connected to yourself and the other person when in challenging discussions about COVID-19 vaccines or other hot issues, without labeling others as reactive or otherwise, you can begin by tracking signs of your own reactivity to bring mindfulness onboard, then shifting your attention to universal needs; and asking to connect about it later. Read on for more. Read this article...
Create Mutuality Rather Than Keeping Score

Where do you feel desperation, resentment, anger about your partner's choices? What do you want to demand of them? Rather than looking for what they're suppose to do, look for your feelings and needs, how would you would respond if you trusted your needs could be met without your partner, and what you choose to do given what your partner offers and does not offer. Read this article Keywords:...
Express Anger with Responsibility

Anger can bring in judgment and blame. Instead, use anger and frustration to identify what’s important and express what matters to you in a collaborative way. Read this article Keywords: anger frustration self responsibility LaShelle Lowe-Chardé Elia Lowe Charde